I noticed that no one has responded to your conundrum, so PL to the rescue! It is interesting how I may be completely out to lunch concerning my own issues, but I can find some words of wisdom for you. Here's what comes up:
Patience, patience, patience.
With her, but even more so, with yourself. Do not expect everything to be fine and dandy and perfectly normal just yet. You have been through hell. I can tell you are a fast track successful kind of fellow. Probably have always been quite good at making things happen. My advice? SLOW DOWN. Just with your inner self, that little precious Mr_MD who got the emotional sh** kicked out of him when his heart was trampled upon last year. Not so long ago, you know. Ask her to be patient with you if you need to, but mostly be patient with yourself. I am not sure (truly) that if you have more information, whether it will help you at all or not. I think she intuitively knows this, which is why she has not told you everything. I believe she truly does not want to hurt you anymore than she already has.
If you write the long e-mail, don't send it to her. Just use it as a catharsis for you, to figure out what you feel like you want and need, and then get into action witout a lot of talk and words about it. I do not think more words on this subject will get you closer to your goal. She is dreading these talks right now. The more you push, the more she will protect - remember? BE the person she wants to be with, and bring your insecurities here. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do (you know I am in the same boat, except somehow I still think your sitch is better - she is back!) I truly believe your wife loves you and wants to make it work. She may never forgive herself for what she has done. She is trying hard to move on - buy a house with you, make a baby - she really wants all the bad stuff that happened to all go away. She is ashamed. Tell her that you love her, and that you will stop pressuring her to tell you about what happened. Just let her know that it would help you to understand and move forward if she was more forthcoming, and that it would help you to feel more trusting of her intentions and the plans you are trying to make together. And then leave it, drop it. Maybe if you really stop asking, if you are patient and kind and loving, maybe in a little while, if you are really being with it with no expectations, maybe she will surprise you.
You are the best. I am rooting for you. I want you to have the most wonderful and happy marriage.
Does any of that help?
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
