This whole realization of how I failed to champion SO and validate him when it was so very vital to our R - well, it's just opened a floodgate in my mind. I've been crying about it and recollecting everything....
I feel like a heel. Not that I ever did anything mean or spiteful towards SO, rather I did nothing . Which is worse, I wonder? And, yeah, I'm beating myself up pretty good over this.
It was so hard....we live in a semi-suburban, mostly rural area, he's a big fish in a medium pond. So let me tell you some of things I had to endure when out in public with him - everything from women asking for their t!ts to be signed, being asked to join in 3somes, women coming up to me in bathrooms after I've peed (and before washing my hands) asking me if they could shake my hand just because they knew I was SO's "wife". Women buying him drinks, having bartenders giving him notes telling him to look in a certain direction and they would flash him; girls dedicating & singing songs to him at karaoke; Men/women coming up to me in the grocery store (even still to this day) questioning me about him; naked pictures in our mailbox; cops following us home just to get his autograph; harassing/threatening emails to my personal account from girls/crazy girls boyfriends - crazy, crazy crap.
We'd be in Wal-mart trying to x-mas shop or whatever, people would come up and start talking to him - and he would never say NO to them. He would tell me - you go finish shopping while I talk....this kind of stuff is OK on an occaisional basis, but this happens DAILY. I'm not exaggerating - it's even worse now with his popularity having grown so much.
It got on my nerves so bad....how many times was it OK to shove our personal R to the side? Miss the movie because he was talking to a fan; be late to our daughters event because we stopped at the gas station and a fan started talking to him; smile pretty when some pig was shoving her phone # into his pocket? Be left sitting at the bar alone while he was off talking to some rednecks? Yes, I know - these people put the food on our table. Yes, I know - he thought these types of girls were pigs and he didn't do anything with them. It was just hard. I can't imagine what it would be like to be a "real" stars W/GF. I mean, he's even got real stars calling him! One's that were just starting out at the same time he was and they remember him and they call him!!
I'm sorry - I had to get that out. It probably doesn't mean a whole lot anymore. Now the fans that come up to me ask me how I'm holding up after the split.
In my defense, I thought I was helping to keep him grounded. I was with him BEFORE he was in radio...he got arrogant and his head swelled up the size of Texas the more successful he got.
I wonder now if it's too late to repair the damage. How do I go about undoing all the years of neglect?
