Quote: did SO want to marry you and you were the one not sure?
Well, he never got down on one knee or anything. Rather, when we found out I was pregnant with #3, he said let's get married - told everyone who listened that we were getting married that year. I told him (I thought in a nice way) that I didn't want to get married while I was pregnant or just to be added to his health insurance....that we should wait until after the baby came so that we do it the way we wanted without making it seem like we only did it because I was pregnant. Shortly after was when he started with OW. Previously, we had seriously discussed it on several occaisons since 2000..however, it aways seemed liked he wanted to do it the "right" way...surprise me with the ring and all that (although none of that means much to me - the big engagement ring and all - to me, the wedding band is the more important ring and it never mattered to me if I got an engagement ring or not - Thinking about it, maybe he doesn't know that) but we were always short on money....and he seems to really need the whole "engagement" and wedding to be a certain way.
Quote: What he seems to want is more genuine emotional intimacy. Can you share more of yourself with honesty and openness? You can do these things without being enmeshed with him or having expectations or being manipulative. You do it with us here all the time.
Are you afraid to let him "see" you?
*Maybe* one of the big problems here is a fear of emotional intimacy (as demonstrated by this concern of his) and commitment (as demonstrated by his frustration with you not marrying him...
This is great OT....I think both both of us have a real fear of emotional intimacy. However, is this what I should be doing at this stage? He actually said he felt like he "was talking to a brick wall" the other night...yet, when I try and open up, then I feel like I'm the one hitting the brick wall as he doesn't reciprocate. I also feel like I'm *pursuing*....not sure if I should be telling him stuff if he's involved with OW.
I have been trying to be more open...I have a hard time doing it and trying to stay un-enmeshed; or without having expectations back.
So, I should open up and *not* expect him to do the same? Or, at least not right now? I know there's a world of difference between men/women (Mars/Venus stuff)....I try to remember that just because he doesn't SAY something, doesn't mean he doesn't feel it, or that he may see things differently.
And yes, I guess I am afraid to let him "see" me; especially now. Is that wrong? Am I backwards - should I be letting him see more of me?
