OK, had a little more time to answer OT properly.....
Quote: So, have you asked yourself if you want SO to stay over on Saturday? What do you hope to get out of it? What are the possible positive and negative consequences for you? How do you feel about SO supposedly deciding that he would spend the night? (I say supposedly because it is equally your decision.) I sense that you are feeling used. Will this be something that will make you feel used? If so, why would you choose it?
Yes, I did want him to stay here Saturday night....because Easter is the next day and the kids get up early. I can detach enough to not equate him staying here to anything that has to do with "US". All it means is he's working nearby that night and if he were to drive one hour to his apartment, he would sleep late Sunday morning and miss everything with the kids. So, him staying here is the best choice. I can put everything between "US" aside to make things good for the kids. I had been thinking about asking him - but didn't want to. "I" did not want to be the one to suggest it. I want him to make his own choices as far as the kids go...even if I don't seem like it.
It doesn't make me feel used - quite the opposite. Had he chosen to go to his apartment, I would have been PO'd. The only thing I hope to get out of it is sleeping in late Sunday morning!! LOL Kidding aside, we always make the most out of the holidays...he has certain things he does with the kids...he's in charge of the egg hunt, stuff like that. Like I said, I don't think of this as anything other than to make it easier for the holiday with the kids. If he didn't come here, I would be left with the kids, by myself, and that bothers me.
Quote: Under what circumstances is it OK with you for SO to stay over? Do you need to know that he wants to reconcile? Are you open to having no expectations and just seeing what happens?
Well, this is the 1st time that him "staying over" has come up. Since he's moved out, I have not asked or hinted or anything. It's one of the few rules (boundaries?) I have (that I have actually stuck to). There's been a couple of times where it's gotten late...(late for him re: his AM schedule), and it sort of felt like he wanted to stay, but - like I said - I will not be the one to do the asking. If he wants to stay, he'll ask. I think. Who the hell knows these days.
Quote: BTW, I think in any case whatever you choose to do, it may help you to get a bit more emotional distance. You aren't really giving him any space to miss you or to pursue you. This is also the reason you don't know if you are in denial or not. You are too afraid of not being the always-opened-armed-welcome-back-whenever-you-decide-you-want-me NM (because, gasp, he might leave -- of course, he already has left...), to give him space to show you that he really wants you back and will make an effort to get you back.
