Quote: If that rings true, then maybe it is time to simply do this directly. "SO, a few times I've felt you are trying to tell me that things over over between you and OW. I'm not sure, though, that is what you meant or what I want to hear."
Hey, why didn't you give ME that script a few weeks ago...lol. Good advice as always.
I've had a rough couple of days. Trying to figure out what I should do next. I don't think I'm moving forward. I feel stagnant. On top of that, a case of some bad PMS, lol. Seriously though - laughing one minute, crying the next. Think it's passed.
Mr. Confused, is still the same. Although I realized today that he has been here almost every day for the last week or so...I found that odd. Maybe just the week...not reading anything into it. He did say...("say", not "ask", mind you), that he would stay here Saturday night. This was something "I" was not going to bring up or suggest in any way, shape or form...lol. It had been in the back of my mind, wondering what he was going to do, but I was not going to be the one to make any comment about it whatsoever...and, in the end, I didn't have to, he did.
Not much else, he did take D7 with him again last night. I feel really stuck these days, and I don't know what to do next. I have no 180 ideas, nothing, my mind is wanting to shut down and say the hell with all. Except for when I want it to - like when I need to sleep. I never had trouble falling asleep before, now all of a sudden - I can't seem to shut everything off.
I don't know - the whole series of events from the weekend has still got me down. I've been beating myself up over how I handled the situation with my sister, then with SO. Then I wonder if I'm one of those people possibly in denial of sorts. I mean - really, what do I have with this man? Lunch, sex, a couple of phone calls here & there. Big deal. Nothing substantial. Nothing. So what am I even doing here? If he wanted me, it wouldn't be like this. I know how he is, if he wants something - he goes after it. I don't know what to do as far our situation goes...I'm at a real loss of ideas. The only thing that I can think of is to break off all contact.
I don't know anymore. I'm a single mom raising three little kids. I'm reliant on him for my income...hah! I'm not going to whine, I'm just trying to get out of this rut I'm in and I've run out of ideas. My job search is not working out, by the time I find one, D7 will be out of school for the summer. More $ on daycare - it won't even be worth it for me to work, not financially, anyway.
I guess maybe I am still crabby & moody. Thanks for anyone listening to my vent.
I don't know about 180's with SO, but you just did a 180 with us, that's the first real whining I've seen from you. Maybe the crying one minute and laughing the next is okay. SOunds like you have some emotions to release.
Is So's radio show boring? DOes it hurt you to hear him etc? Do you listen to it?
Then I wonder if I'm one of those people possibly in denial of sorts. I mean - really, what do I have with this man? Lunch, sex, a couple of phone calls here & there. Big deal. Nothing substantial. Nothing. So what am I even doing here?
I struggle with this every day - so let me remind you what I remind myself - you have three children who deserve to have two loving parents raising them. You have a past, a painful but instructional present, and a fabulous future together. This is why we go through this. Besides, what would you do differently if you were to completely give up? I can't see how anything is different if we give up - I think it would be the same, just hopeless and therefore harder to bear. Cheer up. You clearly have spunk and a lot of heart. That should serve you well in this endeavor. erin PS I really identified with your whole PMS bit - I've never had it in my life, then spent two straight days in tears last week (I mean it-I couldn't stop for 48 hours. It was awful.) I was actually relieved to get my period and realize the hormones were making me nuts. One wonders how the stress of separation is affecting our chemistry???
It sounds to me like its time for you to step up and take ownership of your own choices again and their consequences.
So, have you asked yourself if you want SO to stay over on Saturday? I am NOT saying whether you should or shouldn't. What I am saying is that you should do what you want. This isn't simply his choice.
What do you hope to get out of it? What are the possible positive and negative consequences for you? How do you feel about SO supposedly deciding that he would spend the night? (I say supposedly because it is equally your decision.)
I sense that you are feeling used. Will this be something that will make you feel used? If so, why would you choose it?
Under what circumstances is it OK with you for SO to stay over? Do you need to know that he wants to reconcile? Are you open to having no expectations and just seeing what happens?
BTW, I think in any case whatever you choose to do, it may help you to get a bit more emotional distance. You aren't really giving him any space to miss you or to pursue you.
Roughly, it sounds like you are always two steps ahead of him in kind of this way, if it makes any sense, lol.... you are opening the front door as he steps onto the doorstep before he gets a chance to knock....
This is also the reason you don't know if you are in denial or not. You are too afraid of not being the always-opened-armed-welcome-back-whenever-you-decide-you-want-me NM (because, gasp, he might leave -- of course, he already has left...), to give him space to show you that he really wants you back and will make an effort to get you back.
That is, you don't know if you are in denial because you aren't giving him space to make his intentions clearer.
Another weird example.... You are dishing up a second serving at dinner to him even as you ask him if he wants it without giving him a chance to respond. So, you can't tell as he nibbles at it if he is being polite or really enjoying second helpings.
yeah - that really was me moaning & b!tchin'!! LOL I'm tired - inside & out. For some reason, I associate Spring with love, and I've just been down this week. Don't ask me why...And, yes, I usually listen to his show. It doesn't bother me to hear him, and then there's curious fact that he has never, ever once mentioned anything about OW, which I find interesting. When we were together, he always talked about us, our family, things we did, etc.
Erin - PMS - let me tell you - I never, ever had it until my 3rd child was born. Since then, wow, it's been bad. There one or two days where no one, and I mean no one - should come anywhere near me! Since I've recognized it, I usually do a pretty good job of keeping it in check or warning everyone to just stay away!
As for spunk - well, yeah, I've got it and it's a double-edged sword! It also tends to get me in trouble! LOL
Today I'm still down....I've been avoiding talking to SO, I just don't feel like I can right now. I feel a "talk" coming on (by me) and I'm trying to stay away from him until this feeling passes.
His mother is coming over this afternoon to drop off baskets for the girls; I've asked her to watch them for a bit. I need to finish up Easter shopping...too bad she can't stay so I can get out for awhile tonight , but she's got to leave by 8 PM. So, I'm looking at another night, home alone with the kids. I've got to do something about that, I have to get out more. I NEED it.
Ya know something, OT....you're dead-on here. I guess that's why I've been tossing around the idea of going dark. I get the sense that OW may not be in the picture anymore. That's also in the back of my mind.I guess if I'm honest, I had hoped with her out of the picture, he'd be more into me, I guess. And, well, I just don't know. I mean on some levels, yes, he's around more, calls more, etc. I think my problem is my *expectations*, which, I need to get rid of. I try really hard not to have any expectations, but - they do creep in whether I recognize them or not. And, if OW is out of the picture, I need to...well, what do I need to do? That is the question...give him more space? Be more attuned to him? I'm not sure. He made that remark last week about wanting me to make him feel more special - I've been thinking about that a lot. I don't know what to do with that comment. IMO, I have such a hard time with it if there's OW involved - know what I mean? Then again - is that what he needs to make him look at me again?
You're right OT, guess I haven't given him true space. So, how do I do that?
NM, Hang in there. Reading your posts, I can really feel your frustration. I am right there with you sister!
Quote: I feel really stuck these days, and I don't know what to do next. I have no 180 ideas, nothing, my mind is wanting to shut down and say the hell with all. Except for when I want it to - like when I need to sleep. I never had trouble falling asleep before, now all of a sudden - I can't seem to shut everything off.
I have the same problem, someone on this board recommended Sleepytime tea by Celestial Seasonings. I add some splenda and a little milk and it does the trick.
Quote: So what am I even doing here? If he wanted me, it wouldn't be like this. I know how he is, if he wants something - he goes after it. I don't know what to do as far our situation goes...I'm at a real loss of ideas. The only thing that I can think of is to break off all contact.
You are at a low point right now, possibly due to PMS. Let go, do something fun. Color easter eggs with your kids, laugh, enjoy yourself!
Quote: don't know anymore. I'm a single mom raising three little kids. I'm reliant on him for my income...hah! I'm not going to whine, I'm just trying to get out of this rut I'm in and I've run out of ideas. My job search is not working out, by the time I find one, D7 will be out of school for the summer. More $ on daycare - it won't even be worth it for me to work, not financially, anyway.
Again, I am right there with you. Even though I'm technically married I feel like a "single" mom with 3 little kids plus two dogs and two cats and a house to take care of. The only thing I can really rely on from my H is $ and believe me there is very little left after he goes out spending it on his secret life every day.
Ok, enough of the pity party. Get back on that DB wagon. "just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly - anonymous"
Quote: I guess if I'm honest, I had hoped with her out of the picture, he'd be more into me, I guess. And, well, I just don't know. I mean on some levels, yes, he's around more, calls more, etc. I think my problem is my *expectations*, which, I need to get rid of. I try really hard not to have any expectations, but - they do creep in whether I recognize them or not. And, if OW is out of the picture, I need to...well, what do I need to do? That is the question...give him more space? Be more attuned to him? I'm not sure.
I know exactly where you are coming from with this. We are in the EXACT same place. I think OM is out of the picture and less than a week later, I am expecting her to jump on me, ready for anything.
Like you, I recognize that this is just not necessarily how things work and my expectations are tainting my enjoyment of the place we ARE at because I am focused too much on where we are NOT at. Time, time, time, and maybe a little patience (lol). Those are the ingredients for success in my case, and maybe yours. I know our sitches are different in fundamental ways, but we are very similar in our approach.
Just do as OT says and figure out what YOU want, then make peace with that decision and move on.
, but she's got to leave by 8 PM. So, I'm looking at another night, home alone with the kids. I've got to do something about that, I have to get out more. I NEED it.