I've had a rough couple of days. Trying to figure out what I should do next. I don't think I'm moving forward. I feel stagnant. On top of that, a case of some bad PMS, lol. Seriously though - laughing one minute, crying the next. Think it's passed.

Mr. Confused, is still the same. Although I realized today that he has been here almost every day for the last week or so...I found that odd. Maybe just the week...not reading anything into it. He did say...("say", not "ask", mind you), that he would stay here Saturday night. This was something "I" was not going to bring up or suggest in any way, shape or form...lol. It had been in the back of my mind, wondering what he was going to do, but I was not going to be the one to make any comment about it whatsoever...and, in the end, I didn't have to, he did.

Not much else, he did take D7 with him again last night. I feel really stuck these days, and I don't know what to do next. I have no 180 ideas, nothing, my mind is wanting to shut down and say the hell with all. Except for when I want it to - like when I need to sleep. I never had trouble falling asleep before, now all of a sudden - I can't seem to shut everything off.

I don't know - the whole series of events from the weekend has still got me down. I've been beating myself up over how I handled the situation with my sister, then with SO. Then I wonder if I'm one of those people possibly in denial of sorts. I mean - really, what do I have with this man? Lunch, sex, a couple of phone calls here & there. Big deal. Nothing substantial. Nothing. So what am I even doing here? If he wanted me, it wouldn't be like this. I know how he is, if he wants something - he goes after it. I don't know what to do as far our situation goes...I'm at a real loss of ideas. The only thing that I can think of is to break off all contact.

I don't know anymore. I'm a single mom raising three little kids. I'm reliant on him for my income...hah! I'm not going to whine, I'm just trying to get out of this rut I'm in and I've run out of ideas. My job search is not working out, by the time I find one, D7 will be out of school for the summer. More $ on daycare - it won't even be worth it for me to work, not financially, anyway.

I guess maybe I am still crabby & moody. Thanks for anyone listening to my vent.