Thanks Guys, for dropping by. Well, by even saying anything at all, it was not as detached as I could have been, right? Or, perhaps I was fishing. Sometimes I just "do" or "say" without thinking about all the hidden meanings or underlying agendas.
This is the 1st time in a long time that I have said anything about OW. Our sitch may be a little different because I knew from the start about OW - he in fact came to me about it and my initial reaction is and still is..."well then go". I never tried to stop him. I just don't have THAT in me...I don't know how to explain it other than I'm not going to make a complete a$$ out of myself for someone who doesn't want me. Been there, done that. My theory has always been similar to the DB theory, let him go...you know that "If you love someone set them free" saying and all.
So the whole "OW" has been something that I have been able to deal with upfront - for the most part. He's not denied it; I've not buried my head in the sand about it. I knew we're dealing with other issues that led to the OW and I've always known that. However, once OW got involved, it led to other problems that have to be dealt with 1st in order to get "US" back. And it reminds me of what you were saying the other day about how if we look at it, our M or R wasn't perfect...and that's how we got here. I knew we had problems, just had no idea how to resolve them. Didn't realize that "I" could do a lot of the work on our R myself that would start the domino effect of CHANGE. Duh, is all I have to say about that.
In a very, very strange way, it took the OW to get me to take a good hard look at him, me, and our R and whether I really truly wanted it or not. I've had to look really deep inside and determine whether I really loved him, would I want to spend my life with him. And, well, I'm still here, so I guess that says it all. In the end, some of the issues can't be resolved without us being back in a committed R. So I continue to work on the things that I can, while not in that kind of R with him. Difficult, but not impossible.
And, I didn't sleep with him yesterday because of anything he said, BTW. It just felt like it was something I wanted to do. I've been sensing tiny progress. I hope I'm not wrong about it.
