Ok, so we were arguing semantics to a certain extent. I get your point, especially after reading your post to me.
Your definition of the paralell struggles is a great one, and one that defies the rigid thinking of "me good" "her evil" that so many of us fall into. There is only what she wants and what I want anymore, should the two be compatible then there may be a future, should they not be, then maybe not. As you said, my W and I (or NM and her SO) are not really that different in terms of where we are and what we need to decide.
