Of course there is a relationship between NM and SO, they care about each other, have children together, are friends of some sort, etc... Of course there is a relationship between you and W.
There is also a relationship between annoying coworker and you — you are colleagues. Getting season tickets is trying to live in an R that doesn't exist.
Buying a pair of season tickets to something and offering to take SO or W is one thing. Buying the tickets so you have them to go with SO should SO return is another.
Imagine NM redoing a room to serve as SO's den (aka cave) when he returns home because it is still "their" home.... Over the line, suffocating... Can you imagine the unasked for emotional burden this would put on SO because he doesn't want to hurt NM further? Can you imagine how intrusive and presumptious he would feel such an action to be? Can you feel how invalidating it would be of his own pain and need for space? (Oh, I know you are being silly now, little SO. But when you quit being such a brat and grow up and see things like they really are, this nice new room will be all ready for you in your REAL home.) (GAG.)
Pretending that there is still an R in which you share your home and life together is trying to live in an R that doesn't exist. NM and SO are nowhere near where you and W are in terms of a long term committed R. Your W has chosen to pursue a long term committed R with you, SO has done no such thing with NM.
Now, to be clear, my post wasn't in response to anything NM has been doing. Nothing suggests to me that she is lapsing into annoying coworker mode, lol.
Rather, it was just to raise a red flag about the tempting idea of living in fantasy land in which you deny the very real emotional break that has occured in the M and the space and separateness required to deal with that break in a healthy way. This is how I would see it if NM were continuing to act like she was keeping "their" house together for them while SO was off having his midlife temper tantrum.
But, I see instead NM taking care of her own life, making her own home, and really extending sincere compassion and respect toward her SO, even through the very painful choices he is making in trying to find his way through the confusion of how to escape a life he found intolerable without losing that which he values most. That is SO's struggle. That is NM's struggle. Like I said in a post to you, LBSs and WASs really aren't so different.
