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guess I just "know" how he's going to react. He'll try to make me feel bad that he's "WORKING" and providing for us and we won't even be here for him to come spend the day with. I'd bet my right foot he'll say something along those lines. But it's high time I STOP worrying about it, right? Right. I just never seem to come up with proper answers to those kinds of things he says. Then again, if he was so concerned, he could have said something about plans for the day by now.



How about this, I'll play the OT role here for a minute. Why not just come out and say something direct like "SO, I know it's important to you to see the kids over this weekend but it's also important to me to do some other things. I would appreciate it if you could let me know by tomorrow what your schedule will be so I can try to make time for you to see the kids, otherwise I cannot commit to anything with you."

I understand that his schedule makes it hard for both of you but like you've said, you cannot feel guilty for continuing you/the kids life when he is working. If he feels so strongly about wanting to be there for those kinds of things then he can stop taking the extra gigs, change careers or get some other kind of work that is not on the weekends. That sounds harsh but the reality is that we all have choices we make and through this I have come to realize that one of the worst things we do is not owning those choices and living by them. We like to pretend that the choices are made for us (and I am not talking about religious ideas about God's plan or anything) and that we are somehow victims in life. I am NOT ignoring the financial well-being of your family but He COULD make the changes necessary to see the kids more, etc. WILL he? Who knows.

Trust me, I know how he feels so I don't say that lightly but I had to scale back my outside work last year, about a year too late apparently , because of the same things. Too much work, not enough family for me. Now I am making more money than ever, working fewer days and it would not have happened if I did not realize that I needed to change things around. So in that respect, I guess there is a plan after all...lol.

GH

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