Quote: why is it being a b*tch to accept that your SO has left your R and to plan your own life consistent with that fact?
Yea, this seems to be the right idea. The whole thing about GAL is to do it regardless of what THEY do or think.
NM, I do understand where you are coming from with this. I know in my own sitch (warning: projection ahead) I have had a hard time reconciling what my W was doing outside the house, and away from me with what she was doing WITH me and the family. I was/am never REALLY sure what she's doing when she is away, but save for a short time around the bomb dropping, she has never really gotten to the in-your-face, FU stage that a lot of the WAS get to. Maybe she's just a better manipulator or maybe I was/am too codependent. I just never saw me acting like I truly didn't give a damn what she thought or felt as being an equal response to her actions AROUND ME. That's not the same as saying that I felt like I owed her any EXTRA consideration usually reserved for a spouse or something...lol.
That said, I eventually figured out that I didn't have to NOT care what she thought, I just couldn't let that rule my life anymore. I had to live for me, and my sons and sure, I accommodated when I could, just like any civilized, considerate person would do. What I did/do NOT do anymore is get all conflicted about "well, I wonder if she'll get pissed if I do this or that." It's a fine line, kinda like detachment but I believe it can be done without being unloving or closing the door on them.
Is it a risk? I think YOU think it is because if you make plans for this weekend you think HE will think it is being done on purpose to screw him out of time with the kids/family, right? Well, if that's the only reason you're doing it, then don't. If there is a legitimate reason, the best of which would be that YOU want to, then go ahead and make the plans.
You are simply telling him with YOUR actions, that he no longer has real or perceived control over you and if he would like a REAL say so in your life then he has to rejoin it FOR real and then you will work on giving him SOME say again.
