WOW OT, care to name names, lol. Some days I suppose I am one of those, most I hope I am not. I did find something new, or rather a clarification on something you have said to me often, that will let me clarify something I do...lol. Was that complicated?
Anyway,
Quote: To really respect someones feelings that is pushing you away, you need to give them at least as much distance as they are taking from you.
I really like the way you put this. You have told me and others to quit being in a romantic R that doesn't exist, etc. I don't know if that's the exact quote or even the right idea but this idea of participating, or being as close/far as they are from you is interesting. I think, and I should now ask NM to pardon the hijack, I really have been doing this and I just didn't know how to explain it. When my W first told me all this stuff and was REALLY distant and totally unavailable to me, I was to her as well as much as I could be. As she started to warm up, so did I. As she started to become more comfortable with physical contact, I was too. I don't think I really was "more in the relationship" on the surface than she was. Now, in my head, and in my posts here, I struggled with ideas and feelings that suggested I was WANTING to be more in the R than she was, but I think I have done a reasonably good job of NOT being what I wanted to be. Make sense?
It's like this in my sitch. My W continues to do things for me around the house, when she's out, etc. She does things for me when I ask or without asking. Through all this I have just responded in kind with similar amounts of consideration. To do otherwise would have been unproductive in my opinion.
Anyway, this post really got me thinking as most of yours do. Thanks. Feel free to strap on the boots and kick me if need be. I can take it.
