And with that in mind, I feel like I'm miles ahead of him somehow. I realize that if "I" decide to change my course, SO is going to face things that I've already been thru. Meaning, I have been thinking a lot about going very dark. Up until now I've been attempting to show him how it "could" be; giving him the benefits of seeing my changes, being a friend, accepting him as he is. I feel it's coming time to take that away. Not for him, or us, but for me.
You are soooo right about where you are compared to SO. What becomes very sad is watching the WASs stay stuck in different versions of old sh*t (even as they keep running) as you continue to grow. They don't experience the emotional jolt you got with the bomb until they know that you have really let the go, and it is that jolt that propels the LBSs growth. It is very common for WASs to begin to get a grip and start to grow and change only after something happens which really makes them feel the loss of the LBS. For instance, my XH "got it" the day we went to divorce court because he saw that I was very clearly emotionally already D from him. Some folks around here hang on long after D and their WASs just keep up the same old stuff. I think most of the real success stories happen because the LBS is able to truly detach and get to a place in which they see their options, find their own world, become happy and responsible for that happiness, and LET GO of the WA until the WA chooses to reenter the M with passion and commitment.
Anyway, I'll be curious of your SO's behavior starts seeming even more bizarre to you now that you've managed to become significantly less enmeshed in his mess and can see things a bit more objectively.
You are soooo right about where you are compared to SO. What becomes very sad is watching the WASs stay stuck in different versions of old sh*t (even as they keep running) as you continue to grow. They don't experience the emotional jolt you got with the bomb until they know that you have really let the go, and it is that jolt that propels the LBSs growth. It is very common for WASs to begin to get a grip and start to grow and change only after something happens which really makes them feel the loss of the LBS. For instance, my XH "got it" the day we went to divorce court because he saw that I was very clearly emotionally already D from him. Some folks around here hang on long after D and their WASs just keep up the same old stuff. I think most of the real success stories happen because the LBS is able to truly detach and get to a place in which they see their options, find their own world, become happy and responsible for that happiness, and LET GO of the WA until the WA chooses to reenter the M with passion and commitment.