That's just it GH, I don't feel like this is necessarily a "break through"; I mean nothing significant has changed with SO - it's ME doing the changing. Therein lies the difference. He can take as long as he wants to "make up his mind". I am not acting "as if" anymore - I actually feel that way on the inside - good, that is. I feel good.
I am past dwelling on things that I can't do anything about. I don't wonder what he's doing when he's not here; I rarely even think about OW anymore. Not that I'm burying my head in the sand or anything, I just don't think it matters so very much. What will be, will be.
And I like the way RB put it - doing another 180 to keep things off balance; keeping things from getting too comfortable. I like change. I look forward to it. I like being different; I like acting different - sometimes just for the shock value!!!!! I love making people do a double-take! And for me, as shy as I am, I have fun doing it.
When I first started this - it was so hard to "act" - something I've never been very good at. Now, like I said - it isn't an act. I'm not "un"happy. Sure, I want SO back - I don't "like" things the way that they are; I want to be working on our R; but ya know what, it's not gonna happen today, or tomorrow. And I'm OK with it.
And yes, if I go dark, it will be for me. Not as an ultimatum or last resort.
