You Get What You Settle For...Again

[RBinBR]

I also realize that no matter what happens between "us", things will be OK. And with that in mind, I feel like I'm miles ahead of him somehow. I realize that if "I" decide to change my course, SO is going to face things that I've already been thru. Meaning, I have been thinking a lot about going very dark. Up until now I've been attempting to show him how it "could" be; giving him the benefits of seeing my changes, being a friend, accepting him as he is. I feel it's coming time to take that away. Not for him, or us, but for me.

Awesome, NM! That is a great feeling, isn't it? You are miles ahead, because you know what you want and you have a plan to get it. Your SO has neither and is confused and in turmoil.

I think it's great that you're planning another 180. Keeping your SO off-balance and preventing him from getting "comfortable" with a new routine are good ideas.

Of course, there are two ways to go dark. You can go dark for a little while for yourself, or you can decide to go dark permanently until the A is over. Which were you thinking of trying?

I did the first for about three weeks and it was really great. I was able to truly GAL, I was able to relax completely (because I never had to worry about what I was going to say to W or what she would say to me), I could detach ... and it gave her time to get a little tired of OM and start missing me.

The "I'm not going to talk to you until you end the A" kind of going dark is something that I've been thinking about and may go to in a month or so if I don't see any changes.