Ok Just, You want to know where I see this relationship going? I don't know? I don't know the future. All I know is that during all the time previous to this, she was still in some ways involved with the OM. I know she is looking for someone to be there in good and bad times. Well, I have been. If she doesn't see that, then that would be her loss not mine. I know what I currently get out of this is the opportunity to know that I, as a person, have been able to persevere through all of this and remain calm. Big achievement for me. I feel like by having done all of this, that I know that I am more like the person I used to be before I let all of lifes little issues drag me down and make me an angry person who had a chip on his shoulder. Sure, I would like to walk away with a relationship that is on the mend; but it may never happen or if it does, it will take more time than I would like it to. I know I am probably setting myself up; but I also know that I can look myself in the mirror and someday my kids and kn ow that I gave it my best effort. Sure I will be sad and no I don't want to be her fallback; but I do still love her.
What will I do? Continue to go forward and hope that whatever happens, that I will survive and have a relationship with someone that is better than it was before. I don't think this has been a waste of time. During the time that I wasn't posting, I was not necessarily pursuing her. I would occasionally have a date or I was dropping by places to see acquaintances. On Wednesdays, I would go play trivia. Unfortunately, a group I had hooked up with doesn't seem to go anymore. In fact, I actually met a friend of theirs and went on a date with the woman. Since then, I have met up with another group of people for trivia. One of their daughters goes to dance with my daughter. I continue to meet parents of my kids friends in anticpation of moving up here. WHo knows, maybe someone will know someone who is single and introduce me. I am not putting all my eggs in one basket. I am open to meeting others; but they don't come around alot. And, this is the first timethat she has showed any remorse and emotion about all of this. This is her problem to work through, not mine. All I do is enjoy the time we have and if it becomes something great. If not, then I guess I will have known that the improved me is here.
