Well, this morning she called the woman who she had the A with H with. She asked if I would go with her to meet up. Against my better judgement, I went. Some crap came out that I walked away from. I told her I might do that if I didn't want the details.
Anyway, after all was said and done, it hopefully cleared her guilt a bit. I know that will take her time. She has even said she has had a self-esteem problem... that her actions allowed our youngests issues with mild autism, to get put on a backburner at times; because of the A. Also, she told me that she put me through crap because of it too. Then she and I talked and she told me I should run as far as I could from her. She knows I have to deal with her because of the kids; but to run.
She also stated how she kknew that we couldn't just be friends. She also talked about how she joined a dating service that she paid alot of money for; but that she hasn't really used it and she is not sure after all she has done that she can ever have a relationship with anyone again. But she doesn't want to grow old and lonely either.
I guess that I know I deserve alot for being there for her; but all I want is for hr to have confidence in herself and only then could there be an us. But will there ever be? Should I stick it out while going forward with other things? When she comes out of the fog, will she realize that I have been there for her in the darkest times and will it matter?
She alos told me how she isn't a touchy feely person...Unfortunately, I am and that probably caused friction during our marriage, when I felt like she was distant because she didn't love me. Maybe that wasn't the case. Problem is, is this fixable? Sure, but will she let it be that way. Do I try to listen and be as friendly as I can? I don't know.
