Saw her this morning and she was not super talkative, when I picked up my stepson; but I chalked it up to being early.
Anyway, went to my youngest sons karate class to which she brought him. Again not that talkative. Like pulling teeth to talk. Kind of aggravated me. I really wantedto fix this; but at this point, like my stepson said...she's selfish. I can't fix that; but it hurts to feel like the only adult in this whole mess. I mean my kids deserve a better life than they have. A parent who doesn't live with them and wants to be there and watch them grow and can't because the visitation schedule says so. ANd the other who wants to relive her 20's, find herself, have an affair and not let anyone know that it happened; but me. etc. All this at the expense of her kids who she just doesn't see as hurting from this. I am truly worried that they will grow up with bad ideals from living with her unless she changes. I still have faith in her that she will eventually figure it out. Maybe more faith than I should have. I guess I honestly believe that all the improvements I did on myself and the fact taht she has come out of taht adulterous relationship and gotten a job would eventually bring her back to earth and the realization that life ins't perfect. It requires work and that she and I made a mistake in divorcing. (BTW, her choice not mine). I hate these ups and downs; but was accepting them in the knowledge that things take time. Maybe I am so wrong about all of this and if taht is true, I will never be with my children again and she will continue to work and neither parent will be there to tuck the kids in. That sucks for them to grow up that way.
