Blue, thanks for the kind words. I have few women friends who wish there husbands would be as involved in their kids lives as I try to be. And they fear for me; but commend me on trying to see if it can be worked out. for me, it's a no-brainer. It's worth the shot and as far as the kids. Well, they are my kids and I love them and miss them everyday.

I do try to keep busy; but the 2 closest friends I have are married and so we meet up for small periods of time; but not enough to keep me busy. The other people I have made acquaintances with along the way are all women. tha thas been that way for me all my life. I like the guy things to do and such; but never felt comfortable hanging with alot of guys. I find most are just in it for sex, etc. Not that I don't enjoy or miss that !!! But, I want more than that. I want a relationship again. A chance to make it better than the one i had before regardless of who it is.

Anyway, maybe she doesn't care enough; but I go between that and knowing how she never has had a tough time saying I don't care or care in the way you want. What I see, and I could be wrong, is a woman and my BIL concurs, who is enjoying this new found freedom and the built in baby sitter every weekend that allows her to go out and paint the town. As my BIL said, she is trying to get back her 20's again. I guess she felt that when she got pregnant with my stepson, that she never got to do what she wanted. Guaranteed, not my fault; because it happened before her and I got married; but call it a midlife crisis, whatever, she needs to go through it. I know she may never come out of it or come out the same; but my issue is more how long to hold on to the possibility and still have a life.

I have to keep living life and try; but it's hard at my age and friends and their families all busy. I told my friend the other day that one of the things I enjoed the most was hanging at his house with his wife and another couple. the only thing missing was me having someone there to enjoy it with too.

I also enjoy seeing bands play, as I am very much into music; but noone I am friends with wants to go or can afford to go. So, Just, if you are reading this, I do try to live a life without her; but alone is real tough.