Well, let's see. Went to workout yesterday by myself; because for the forseable future, my stepson will not be going to workout, as he has gotten himself in trouble and also as the ex says, the weather is nicer. Not sure how not having him workout is a good thing; but??? (BTW, I was going to swim yesterday; but when I got there, my ex was already there and so to avoid her I worked out instead of swimming. I do miss that, though, even from the workout of her pushing me to keep up. )
On another front, I have this woman who I went out with on Sunday. We had been trying to get together for a couple of weeks and finally did. And she wants to see me again and I had a good time; but I am not sure what to do about it. I waited to meet soemone else; but I don't want to rush into anything and so I have the dilemma of how to respond to that fact that she probably wants more than I do right now. I just don't want to use anyone or end up in a relationship that goes nowhere. However, I am afraid that I will push someone I might actually like, away because of these fears or whatever you want to call them.
I find that when I saw my ex the last few times, that she has pushed me to a point where I can look at her and be less hung up on her; but I still have some feelings. I just know I deserve better than I got recently. I tried to get to a point where we could fix things or at least talk of the possibility; but then her family got involved and it all went south.
ANyway, I find that I don't want to be alone; but when something does come along in the form of a date, etc. I hate that it may end up cutting into my "free time". It's a catch 22...I am lonely for that companionship; but unwilling to accept it unless it is like "WOW" I really, really like this person. I guess I am indifferent lately. I feel bad; but I need to get back to this woman, who likes me; but I don't know what to say to her. SHe called me yesterday, emailed me and called me today and told me to read my email. Basically, she wants to go out again and I just don't know.
Part of me is ready; but I don't want soemthing to start out of loneliness!!!
Damn that ex of mine and her family. If she just could have stood up to them like she claims she has done with me then maybe we would have had a shot. I despise that her family talked her out of going out with me recently. Yes, she decided to let them influence her and no I wouldn't want someone who doesn't want to be there or love me back; but it still affects me.
Well, just another vent session. I just want all this indifference and the way I am feeling to end before I push away someone I might actually like!!!
I just don't want to hurt anyone else or myself by doing the wrong thing; but I also need to keep moving forward. This is hard!!! lol
