Oh, Deb. First and foremost, I am so sorry you went through such a stressful night with S13. It's 2006 and you have health insurance, all will be well. It's still rough for someone so young, seems so damning, but it's not.
You're right, S is TOP priority right now. We all urged you to get back to detaching, and now is the time and the right reason. Focus all you have on S, he needs you. His body will be going through a lot at such a hard age, trying to understand what this means for his life, etc. Make sure he's part of all the education, learning, exploring and enjoying life. You have picked yourself up so much through all this, now you have to do it for your kids...they need you to be strong, happy mom.
Forget H for now, take a break. Still be nice, caring, happy, but let his problems be his for a while. The way I see it is that you're both holding 2 bags, each with problems of your own. Yours is full now, focus on that. Why bother with what's in his bag? Let monster, is paranoia about credit lines and your imaginary spending, his depression about his career, his thoughts of your exercise schedule and how 'fun' you should be BE HIS problems for now. You are being supportive by just not kicking him out and by staying, being nice and making him comfortable at home.
Really, take all thoughts and put them away for a while. Focus just on S and you. Don't let things that don't matter get you angry..if you see her, who cares, you have more important things to worry about.
You ARE beautiful, strong, wonderful mom, incredible saintly W, great employee...you ARE fun. Don't let his depression and phase affect how you feel about yourself.
Sorry if this feels like I'm just spewing things to do and not to do, it's just that you are strong and I want so much to see you get centered and back to that.
