wise words from all of you...Phoenix, you make me laugh besides! It took me a bit, till after i read Ellies reply actually, to "get it" about the seconds , but, yes, you are right.

I really am going to try to focus more (again) on what I need to do for myself as far as exercise, etc, my thought about lunch is that it would help me get in "more", but then i've had lunch hour meetings 3 days this week, so the best laid plans don't work well sometimes, it seems. still, there has to be a way.

I do want to see about getting more indepth thyroid stuff done, though, havent yet, I just feel tired and lethargic. I don't think I should....I have no clue if there's any family history or not.

I dont' know what to think of H....one night this week, just before going to sleep, I said something about how glad I was to be with him, and h said "don't worry, you've got me"....last night S had a band concert and h ran home and got him to school, I met him there as I had to work late, not so long ago I used to sadly sit at things like that and feel like a single parent...

When we got home, H said he would go out to feed the animals...I asked if he needed help, he said no....some time later, I was thinking he was still out and it was taking a long time and he might need help, I asked S "is your dad still outside"...H was upstairs, heard me and got angry....said I was being a gestapo??????I told him that wasnt my intent, that I was going to check to see if he needed anything if he was still there....he did give me a "peck" of a kiss, but what the hell, I was just trying to be helpful....
we did chat quite a bit just about work stuff, and he said "oh, I got a monster gram, but it was just about work"...evidently she asked him some question about screens...I commented as to why she didnt ask her super, H said she had, and the super didnt know.....
So, I dunno, maybe he's trying to report contact to me??????

I commented last night that maybe I am too dependant on him, he asked what I meant, and I said not doing enough stuff on my own....I dont' remember that he even replied.

I am going on my own to the 50th of my aunt/uncle this Sat, h pretty much refused to go...so although it's not at the top of my list, I guess I'll go anyway. D may go with me, as her h is working late.

it just seems like H is still/back to flip/flopping, one time something I do to be helpful is great, another time I'm a gestapo....how the hell am I supposed to figure it out?

And I am realizing more and more that I'm very resentful of his refusal to function as a partner to me. I have busted my butt to be more of one to him, and he is perfectly happy to take all that, but I can't see that he returns a damn thing really, Frankly it pissed me off big time that he would right a check for 100 bucks for a book, and then bitch and belly ache about taking me out for our anniversary. and bitch and belly ache about any nickel spent and how broke we are, but write a check for $100, and not hesitate to order something on his credit card, I havent used one for probably 2 years.

I dunno, really don't know.

been around awhile!