anyway, updating/journaling...wanted to say, always14 and dfb, I have also been thinking I just need some time away, even a few days. not sure how/when/where... I did want to journal that weekend before last when I was so upset, I asked H "wouldnt you be upset" referring to his disappearing for so long given past circumstances, he said "I don't know" and left to get lawnmower gas. When he got back, he came to me and put his arms around me and said "yes I would"...It had slipped my mind enough I didnt knwo what he was talking about and asked, he said "you asked earlier if I would be upset if you did that, I said I didnt know, I thought about it and yes I would. I'm sorry". and hugged and kissed me. I was pleasantly surprised that he was thinking about it.
Last week, he sent me a sweet "good luck" email just before a big open house I had to help with at work. Again, a pleasant surprise. This past weekend, We hung out and took lots of snuggling naps, watched a movie with the kids. Saturday AM, H walked again while S & I did errands. As it turned out, roles were reversed, H came home in about an hour, it took us 3 hours, and h was upset, said he'd come home thinking he'd get to see us and be with us and we werent there and he'd waited FOREVER. He seemed genuinely distressed. guess we're both looney tunes. Sunday, he lifted weights in the AM when he has usually walked, and walked, again for about 3 hours in the afternoon. That didnt bother me as much for some reason, maybe because we had talked about it. I told H that I had such a hard time before because I didnt expect him to be gone so long and when he was before, I was always certain that monster came and picked him up. H said that she didnt, that she didnt like getting out of bed before noon, so she wouldn't do that. I actually corrected him, said "but she must have done it some, with the times she tried to run over you"...and he admitted yes, she had (yeah, duh, I knew that) but that he learned real fast that was never a good idea because it always po'd her, her expectation was that he did all the work and that she always complained that their getting together was always at his convenience (duh again, hello monster, that's how affairs w/married guys tend to work).
