Hi dfb, you know, I'm not sure how much i have to get her fired. not much that I can prove, that's for sure, as it's all pretty much 2nd hand from H....I dunno. I guess the one thing that sticks in my mind is, she evidently takes drugs from the drug closet and from drug reps and then gives them to her family and friends. Ummmm, Ellie, you would know, is that illegal? I would guess that it would be.....
I did get this reply to the email i sent earlier about needing to be concentrating on seducing his wife:
"Yes, you are right I should be thinking more of seducing my wife! The monster torment is just too much fun sometimes. Perhaps when you see her stomp or with odd looks you know I’m getting the job done!! I just can’t stand the “in your face cutesy crap” so this certainly knocks that the hell out! See she wants me to look all depressed and sad, aw she can just flip her hair and get me right back, right! How’s your afternoon going? "
and then another one about a co-workers baby who's been ill, I just got back and sent a short response that I'm looking forward to being seduced,and havent heard back yet. so we'll see.
I did get this reply to the email i sent earlier about needing to be concentrating on seducing his wife:
"Yes, you are right I should be thinking more of seducing my wife! The monster torment is just too much fun sometimes. Perhaps when you see her stomp or with odd looks you know I’m getting the job done!! I just can’t stand the “in your face cutesy crap” so this certainly knocks that the hell out! See she wants me to look all depressed and sad, aw she can just flip her hair and get me right back, right! How’s your afternoon going? "
and then another one about a co-workers baby who's been ill, I just got back and sent a short response that I'm looking forward to being seduced,and havent heard back yet. so we'll see.
Quote: she evidently takes drugs from the drug closet and from drug reps and then gives them to her family and friends. Ummmm, Ellie, you would know, is that illegal? I would guess that it would be.....
Does she have anyone's permission to do so? Is she licensed to dispense them? That would make a difference. We sometimes used to let our nurses take some samples of drugs that were prescribed to them, but only after asking one of the doctors. Are these drugs that can be abused (pain meds, muscle relaxants, ADD stimulant-type drugs)? THAT could definitely get her fired - but you'd have to have proof.
Frankly, with your H leaving such a huge electronic trail of emails etc at work with her, I'd be afraid she could get him fired too, unless you had a way to arrange for someone else to catch her in the act without it being traceable to you.
I don't believe she has permission, and I do know at one time there was an email that staff were not to be requesting meds.....I'm not sure what all she gets, but I do know meds for depression and migraine and I think some pain meds for her mothers' arthritis, supposedly.
yeah, I'm sure she'd have ammo as well, and I'm guessing H is probably the only one who knows about her drug pandering, so that would be a give away. Of course, I could always leave an annonymous tip that maybe it should be watched more closely, without naming names. Then if it just so happened to be come to the attention of the powers that be....
I guess the reason I havent done anything is because god knows what all the emails are like between them.
I have been off this board for a while, but am (I guess) very surprised that your H is still clueing you on all of his feelings for monster. I think I mentioned in some of my postings to you (in the past) that there were an awful lot of similarities in our situations .. as far as how our H's were thinking .. I guess (in general) both of their attitude's.
My problem with your situation: I'm not understanding how (or why!) he is feeling like he can "tell" you so much!? I totally understand that he has no one else to talk to about this stuff .. but considering his being a counselor (am I remembering that correctly?) I am thinking that he has to know/understand what he must be doing to you by telling you all of this stuff ...????
Okay .. so he's going through MLC or whatever .. and he can't focus on how all of his education/training might apply to HIS life, we can give him that .. right? Do you think that you might be able to finally tell him that enough is enough? That he is hurting you too much by going on and on about all the "monster" stuff? Could you (maybe ask him what he might say to one of his woman clients if she came in and mentioned that her H was doing this to her? Don't you think that he would think that her H is a totally insensitive jerk? (Please don't think that is what I am calling your H. I am trying to come across that maybe your H would think that about another situation/individual .. )
I gave you heaps and heaps of credit Deb, for being able to sustain all of his "talk" and his very visible depressive moments because of monster. I keep thinking about how this is totally tearing you up inside .. which is very evident from your postings.
I don't know .. if talking to him .. trying to get him to see what he's doing to you from another perspective doesn't work .. maybe it's time to BIG TIME GAL? Maybe you can just come right out and say that you are having an absolutely awful time handling what he is "going through" right now and that until he figures out what he is doing .. you are just going to have "protect" yourself by not being so involved with this.
Is any of this making sense? Again .. considering what your H does .. he HAS to know that this is not healthy for you! I understand that he has all of his "stuff" to work through .. but can't he do it without "killing" you in the process?
I may be way off base here. I did not have to go through this type of thing .. so I don't have my own personal experience to pull from on this. I just keep thinking that it would be so terribly hard on me if had to endure (your H's very vocal feelings about monster)..on top of everything else that you (already!) have to work through ...?
Hi All, thought I'd post a quick update. TC, it is so good to hear from you, i've missed you! I am working on reducing 'monster talks' and am having some pretty good results...only a couple of pretty brief references in the last couple of days, something came up last night, dont' even remember what it was, and I commented that I wasnt sure how the convo got there, and H said it was me....it wasnt, and I gently pointed out, by saying something like "oh, I was thinking it was when you said blah blah........and he actually agreed.
Yesterday before work, H commented about naughty undies, I mean like fishnet stockings and garter belts and corsets...I said "I didnt know you liked those" and he commented, "well, I'm telling you i do"...and this evening he stopped by my office for a minute, and said something very breifly that I should check out the "adult" store this weekend.
I'm not sure what to think of all this, I don't know if he's finding me boring again....longing for monster....or just feeling comfortable enough to say what he likes now. So,I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, which is scary. At the least, it gives me something to work with. Odd thing is I have some stuff I've never worn because he didnt seem interested.
I was so upset earlier in the week, and I did get an email from him: Deb; Well I made it to the office. isn’t here. I had to tell J the swing joke and he’s still laughing. I sure love you and I hope you calm down and have a good day, enjoy the nice day outside. All the fretting is just giving you grey hair and then you have to use that God awful stinky crap to color it again and we all suffer in the end!! Well, first one’s here so I got to go! Later D
I didnt know how to take that, wrote back that I didnt realize that I was "uncalm" (ok, a white lie) but that I was sure frustrated and tired of it all. then I got a nice one back: "I love you too. I don’t mean to say you aren’t calm, I guess I just want to reassure you that everything is fine. Actually, we are I hope coming to a point in life where we can find some enjoyment and that all the years of struggle and sacrifice will prove worth it. Frankly looking around it’s quite remarkable that we did as well as we did given all we went through, one need not look far to find folks who crashed and burned at the first little problem. That is one of the reasons I admire and love you. You are wise and reasonable unlike so many hot heads and emotional reasoners, I feel therefore it is! Well, I’ve got every hour booked so I got to get going to the next one! Your D"
That one was calming and helpful.
Today we havent had much contact, work has been so busy and i've been out of the office. At one point, I'd mentioned to H that I'd found a website of cheesey love notes on the net, he told me to email them so he could check them out to see if the monster used the same ones (I'm pretty sure she has, have mentioned that to H, and then he asked her, of all things, if she did...and of course she denied it. Anyway, I havent/didnt because I didnt want to bring her to his mind anymore than what she probably already is.
H mentioned that he holds a visual image of an onion in his mind, and when he thinks of her he thinks of the onion, that she is like an onion, that you peel off layer after layer and invest a lot of effort and pain and tears, and even after all the tears, when you get to the middle there's nothing there, just the pain and burning and stinging. H commented that "the therapy techniques I teach people work, and that's what I'm doing, is what I teach (yeah, but do they always work so SLOWLY?)...I was naughty, told him I was going to buy him a fake onion, but I havent/won't, again I want her as much out of his mind as possible.
I mentioned this evening that I thought we should go someone to celebrate our 27th anniversary in May, he said "not XX", I'm not ready to go back there", meaning the town we went over valentines where he'd taken monster. I told him no, I had another idea. he said I should clue him in because he doesnt do well with surprises (ocd?) and I told him about it...a ranch that is a bed and breakfast very near hear, with a whirlpool suite (I'm gonna get him one of those yet!) and walking trails, etc, and he said "I might go for something like that"...
so my goals: try to get his mind of monster --redirect convo --do something different: new naughty undies, jokes, etc, not sure what all, i REALLY need ideas --better focus on MY self, I've been not doing as well with workouts and diets the past 2 - 3 weeks, with getting the kids moved, etc. Time to get back with that.
I did send him a "good morning, I'm thinking of you and IlY" email a bit ago that he will see 1st thing monday when he fires up his computer. I've sent him a couple of jokes this week, told him one....found some blogs that have jokes (think monster is on a porno one I found, should I be surprised?) so I have more material. wish I could find love notes that don't sound "stiff" "contrived"...I've just run out of steam for writing them it seems.
Quote: I'm not sure what to think of all this, I don't know if he's finding me boring again....longing for monster....or just feeling comfortable enough to say what he likes now. So,I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, which is scary. At the least, it gives me something to work with. Odd thing is I have some stuff I've never worn because he didnt seem interested.
Don't take it personally. My theory is that these depressed MLC guys need a little "help" getting excited in general, hence the interest. May have been part of how they got sucked into the A in the first place - the novelty rallied their flagging libidos.
Deb...just on the naughty side...how about you both find some stuff you can go for online? From what I recall, you can even find stuff on Amazon.com now. There are stores geared more towards women also, that aren't so hardcore. I personally don't care for huge porno type palaces, but maybe a Fredericks of Hollywood for outfits, and you can even get some fun other stuff at places also like Drugstore.com.
Why not look online with your hubby this weekend? I'd not be looking up hardcore stuff, though...yuck.
Hi Ellie and dfb...I don't have time to post now, hopefully this afternoon. It was really an up-and-down, roller-coaster weekend. I have ahard time with those
