Karen...it's funny, but so many of the LBS are the type that badmouth the WAS terribly to co-workers, so I find it hard to deal with that. I never felt the needs to do that at the beginning of my journey. I still don't feel a strong urge to do that. What does it accomplish.
If they would want to talk about it, without the venom, I would certainly be willing. I just don't want to prolong my own recovery by being dragged into their toxic mindset. It's way too easy to fall into that trap. It's way too easy for a person who is vulnerable and at a less than perfect place in their lives to start absorbing the negative mindset from other people.
I understand their hurt, anger and resentment. Believe me I do. Lately...almost everynight , I have trouble sleeping. Everynight...dreams..and not nice dreams. Of anger. I truly believe I tried to keep myself in control throughout this whole thing...to manage to keep a normal semblence of life at work and with outsiders, that that emotional hurt is now coming out while I'm sleeping. (Sure hope I'm not a sleepwalker!!! LMAO)
NLF
I am having some trouble lately. There are a lot of 'dates' coming out that make me realize what's been lost. My Bday is tomorrow, what would have been our 30th wedding anniversary is on Dec. 4, a few weeks away. I'm planning Thanksgiving with the kids for this week . Both wanted me to do this so that things would be 'normal' again. We all know this will be a different tpe of normal, but it warmed my heart that they feel this way.That this is still 'our' family...and it's their dad that is having to develop his own 'new' family . I wonder what it feels like to not have your 'family' anymore after so many years. Even if he was so unhappy for so many years...what does it feel like making all new memories that don't include what had been years for decades?
There are times at night when I truly realize how alone I am..and it's not something that makes me feel good. I know that I can't and probably won't go looking for another relationship. It will take so long to heal from this one. After more than 30 years, you don't just bounce back. I miss not having someone to share my life with...but I already know what it feels like to be in an unhappy relationship, always having to deal with the other persons issues...and I just don't know if that's something I'd ever want again. Who knows. I sure don't.
I guess I'm doing okay...all things considered. I hope there are great and enjoyable things in my future. If there are, I'll certainly appreciate them. In the meantime, it's hard work ..even now...to realize all that was lost, and try to find the person I was before all of this. I'm not the same anymore, and that's not exactly bad..but I wish I had he sense of security and peace that I use to have. That I will never look for again from a person. I'll be looking to God for that.
Thanks for checking up on me. Work is really getting me down lately...another issue to deal with. It's nice to come here and see 'friends' asking about me. I hope everyone, no matter what phase you might be going through, realizes the support that comes from this place. It's truly a gift.
(Karen...I'm a very introverted person. It's extremely hard for me to think I'll have to make the iniative. Any hints?)
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
