Sitting in the breakroom yesterday at work. And a co-worker is talking about how she got a different car as 'severance' pay for 20 years. I just kind of looked at her, not knowing what she was talking about.
She said that two weeks ago, her husband of 20 years had told her that their marriage was over. That she hadn't done anything wrong (perfect wife, etc)..but he was moving on. A few day later, he walked into her workplace, handed her a set of keys, and said here..I just bought you a newer car because you'll need one. She also had gotten a call from a car dealership in this same time period, stating that her husband had been in to see them, and they asked her to forward a message to her husband. That the Corvette he had been asking about WAS for sale. She asked "oh, really..for how much". The little red car was priced at $60K!!!
This guy is 58, and this is his 2nd marriage. He has three grown kids in their early to mid 30s, and a 3 yo granddaughter, who is already asking where her grandpa is.
I told the co-worker that he's playing nice now, but she should be ready to go from the 'perfect' person to the person that has many, many faults. It happens way too often. At first we're not blamed...but as they have to 'explain' themselves to outsiders, they tend to color us a fiends in one way or another.
She seems to be handling it well, and I will stay out of her business. But if she wants to talk, I will let her know some of my story. The important thing is that she not go down the road of feeling wholely responsible for the mess...and that she remembers this is HIS choice, HIS decision, and that she try not to overanalyze, or she will drive herself loco. She needs to concentrate on herself, to protect herself financially if need be, and leave the spouse to pretty much live with the consequences of his decisions.
Of course she asked him if there was 'someone else'...he did protest too much that 'why the H would I want to get involved with anyone else when I just want to be on my own". Mmmmmmmmmmm. Same speech many here have heard? As someone said..it's all from the same script isn't it?
This is so new to her...I am NOT going to unload on her all the things that most of us have seen/heard in our own experiences. And I'm not going to keep telling my story over and over again. But if she wants to talk, I will certainly be there with a sympathetic ear.
I will mention this..while we sat there, another female co-worker who will soon be celebrating her 25th anniversary had mentioned the other day that her husband keeps telling her that he's 'lonely', and wants her to find a different job so that they can spend more time together. I wanted so much to tell her it may be worth the change in the long run, and that she's fortunate that her husband is upfront about his loneliness. So many MLCers keep their feelings and resentment in..at least hers is trying to tell her something.
We all sat there agreeing that it seems to be a MLC epidemic out there right now. Must be all the babyboomers coming of age, huh?
Two weeks post-divorce, and I'm doing 'okay'. Get depressed easily if I let myself. Work keeps me going, but when I'm off, I don't feel like doing much. Need to work on GAL, but it's damn hard after 30 years of 'thinking' you knew your life and the path it would take. This gloomy time of year doesn't help much either.
Be well everyone...and stay strong.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
