On Friday, we were divorced. Such an unreal atmosphere.
I only looked at him once, and sure enough, he was looking at me. This was when he was on the stand.
There was no trial. An agreement was reached the night before/the morning of. I won't be financially secure..but I know I could have ended up worse.
It's strange..but I feel a sense of peace. Maybe it's just all these years and months of not knowing what was going to happen next. Not it's done, except of course for the 6 months waiting period he'll have to endure before he could re-marry. It's suppose to be a time of 'reflecting' for both parties. I hope he does a lot of reflecting of his life the past several years. For me...I know I was a person before xh, and I'll be my own person again. I feel I'm well on my way anyway. If nothing else, the crisis has made me realize I must depend on myself, no one else..but God Himself.
I don't know what the future will hold. It scares me too much to think too far ahead. So I will continue to believe that He has my life in His hands..and whatever happens, I won't be alone. I did feel very calm throughout the morning at the courthouse. Five years ago, you couldn't have convinced me that I would have even been able to breathe...let alone get through it without some type of hysterics.
I felt confident sitting there. Confident that this is what had to happen. There was no way around it. And as I stole that glance at him, I saw no trace of the man I had known (or thought I had known) I saw someone that I had a trace of bitterness and anger towards...and lots of pity I guess. Not that he needs it. He's done well with his pity parties all by himself. I just feel sorry for what he's already lost, and may never find again.
I'm prepared to spend the rest of my life alone. I don't want to, but if that's how it turns out, I know I will have tasted love, and been blessed with my sons...and I'll find a way to accept that all this hurt and betrayal had a reason behind it too.
I will continue to pray for xh. He may just be starting a journey of his own that he never thought he would be on..or would want to be on.
Our sons are acting very unaffected by the finality of this. Cold almost. Not sure how to take that. Guess I'd have to put myself in their place. there must still be anger there..probably at both of us, for tearing apart what they had thought their family was all about.
Just thought I'd update. Blessings to all of you
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
