I'll Never Be Alone

[Between Tears]

Creed,

My heart goes out to you.... I know what you are going through and I'm sorry you find yourself in a similar place that I was in prior to my divorce being final.

xh pushed and pushed for me to work, and as I found my first job, it wasn't good enough..... nothing will be good enough for you either. They are just miserable, and intend on making us just as miserable.... they don't want to let go,yet they don't have the ability to stop the process.

They are conflicted, tormented, and because of this, they reactions are so vile, so opposite of how we are acting. They don't want fair, and for me, it felt as though the only thing xh wanted was to destroy me.

It's not you hon, I know you are doing all you can. I remember being where you are now, as it really tore up my self esteem, and caused me a great deal of confusion.

I am glad you are sticking to your guns.... keep those boundaries, and don't accept less than you deserve.... BUT, also keep in mind, your H may just do what xh did, and not abide by the divorce decree after all was said and done.... it certainly sounds as though it may be the path he is going to choose.

Get as much as you can as a garnishment, or income withholding order.... although it may not protect you completely, at least you will have the orders with the court. You may not get the support you need all the time, BUT, you will be able to go after it, in time.

God Bless you... I wish there was something I could do to make this easier for you. Keep you chin up, keep moving forward, keep the faith, and you will eventually make it to the other side too.

Take care, get lots of rest when you can, and don't forget your vitamins.

Love,

Laughing

[Karen58]

Creed,

I'm trying to remember the last positive experience someone had here w/ the court system in their sitch . . . it seems it's always delay and disappointment. Hopefully the judge will see thru your H's and his L's tactics when s/he questions everybody.

Hang in there. And yes, keep your weapon secret for now.

-- Karen

[Creed]

Hello everyone

First, through the last few months, I have come back to read posts, but never seemed to have the time, energy or right mood to join in. For those that asked about me, thank you so much for thinking of me. Your caring means alot. And to the rest, new and old...I 'm still breathing and kicking. Just got carried away with all the stuff going on around here. It will soon be coming to an end.

On Friday the 13th, no less...next week, we'll be going before the judge, for what I understand will be the final hearing. I believe at that time the Judge will make a decision on the maintenance amount, and whatever else I may be entitled to. Needless to say, I'm anxious. I don't know, and kind of think, my permanent maintenance will be less than I'm getting now, plus I'll have to pay taxes on it and more expenses will be mine, as I won't be on Hs health insurance anymore. I'll have mine from where I work, but it's much inferior to his.

His L has had me jumping through hoops. Trying to prove medical issues that I have. When it came time for H to put up money to have me seen by a vocational expert, THEN they offered to bow out of that route.

This all has cost me so much money..and has cost this family so much more in the long run. S23 has just moved out. Is he financially ready for this. NO! But H and his L made such a big stink about S23 living with me, that S felt almost compelled to do so when a friend asked him if he wanted to rent a place together. I know he's plenty old enough to be doing this type of thing, but his wages are slim, and he's got debt he was trying to pay off. I don't know what the big deal was. H has been living with Twinkie for over a year and I'm sure they share more than just the sheets. She pays half the rent, and who knows what else.

His parents and sister were staring at my mom and stepdad at a festival a few weeks back. Just staring. Mom said she made no sign of recognition, and the other side didn't either. Isn't that something. After more than 30 years of being connected by H and I, everyones relationships have changed because of Hs decisions.

S23 told my mom, not me, that he hoped I continued to do Thanksgiving as I always have, so that the 'family' can get back to some normalcy. Well, of course I plan on doing that!! But it tore my heart out to hear that he feels/thinks that way , and only felt safe telling my mom that.

I know both S23 and I have separation pains right now, but I'm sure it will be good for both of us, at some point. LOL I'm already enjoying the extra room I have now in the apartment. Have moved my computer in, and have more storage for some of the things I just couldn't throw away when the house sold last April.

If things go well for me next week, I think I'll be able to start looking at my life in a better life, and not feel like Im' walking a tightrope all the time. I've still go rough times ahead, that I know. It will be a long time before certain things don't make much of an impression on me. I know that I will probably feel'married' until the day I die, as I see this divorce as nothing but a piece of paper, and a judgement from a man on a podium...not judgement /decision by God. If it's God's will that my life goes on in this direction, I'm more than ready. I just have to believe that he's been a part of all of this since day one.

I've been working and trying to deal with all this legal stuff for so long without taking anytime off from work...even when the house sold and I had to move. I think once there is a finality to this, I may take a day or two off...just to be a 'slug'.

Again...thanks so much for thinking about me. I had no idea that I had been off the radar for so many months. It's hard to believe how time flies, even when you're NOT having fun!(snicker)

God bless you all, and give you strength to endure the journey that you are currently on.

[GenuineG]

Hi Creed!

It's so wonderful to hear from you again. I'm glad you are doing well despite all the trials and tribulations. It really does get better after time. It may not sound like it from my last bout of whining but things keep gradually going UP. My prayers are with you for next week's trial and all the rest.

Hugs, LR

[Between Tears]

Creed!

So good to see you. Thank you for coming back and posting, and sharing your news.

It's amazing, isn't. Divorce sucks! There's no other way of putting it. I am sorry this had to be so hard on you. One would think they'd understand they messed up and at least have the decency to be kinder through out the proceedings. Why do they have to fight so dirty? Why do they have to be so damned nasty? Again, I'm sorry you had to go through this.

Yes, Thanksgiving, time to make some new traditions to replace the old and outdated. It seems your family wants to be together and share in the good times to be had.

As for the "out" laws, yes, it is sad, but there is nothing you can do to give them the strength to put aside the divorce and reach out their hands in friendship. I know, it is very sad to think they once were family, and even harder to feel "dumped" by them too.... it's there loss, not yours. Now there is space to bring emotionally healthier people into your life. Okay, so maybe I'm reaching a bit... as I know it's difficult to find positives for everything that happens because of the divorce.

You sound great.... I hope this means you will find more time to posts. You have many friends here, who want to hear from you.

Thanks again! Take care of you, God Bless

Love,

Laughing

[ForcedNewLife]

Creed,

I am so glad I logged on tonight to see that you have posted. Dare I say, you sound better than you did last spring. Getting rid of the house helped, didn't it? It is a long, ugly, painfilled haul, that is for sure. You may find that on next Friday you feel like a huge weight is lifted from your shoulders. Finally, you can say to yourself, "I am so glad I do not have to deal with that (h) anymore." Take those days off, you deserve it.

I am sorry about s23 having to move out. I hope he'll be ok and not get into additional debt. Kids...one never stops worrying...

As far as h's parents and sister staring at your mom, how rude and stupid is that? Apparently they don't have the common sense to think for themselves and be a big enough person to offer a civil acknowledgement of a relationship. It seems the apple did not fall to far from the tree in that family.

It is good to hear from you.

Take care of yourself.

NLF

[mermaid]

Hi Creed.

I am glad you updated. We have missed you. I am sorry to hear about all your h is still putting you through. You will be okay and come out stronger. You have your family, your friends and all of us here. So lean on us when you need to.

I have you in my prayers.

[Karen58]

Creed,

Thank you for updating.

I know that I will probably feel'married' until the day I die, as I see this divorce as nothing but a piece of paper, and a judgement from a man on a podium...not judgement /decision by God. If it's God's will that my life goes on in this direction, I'm more than ready. I just have to believe that he's been a part of all of this since day one.

I hear you. Nicely said.

-- Karen

[Creed]

Sounds like this Friday, the 13th, will be 'it'.

I'm still finding it hard to believe that it will be the end of something that I always thought was so special. And it's ending so coldly, so calculating. I'm still in shock at the personality that has become my H.

There's been no financial settlement agreement yet, so the Judge will be deciding that on Friday I assume. I have no idea what my finances will be, but I'm able to survive at least at the level I'm at now.

Any prayers and positive thoughts would be much appreciate. I feel like a bundle of nerves, and I've got 48 more hours to go before this starts

[Creed]

On Friday, we were divorced. Such an unreal atmosphere.

I only looked at him once, and sure enough, he was looking at me. This was when he was on the stand.

There was no trial. An agreement was reached the night before/the morning of. I won't be financially secure..but I know I could have ended up worse.

It's strange..but I feel a sense of peace. Maybe it's just all these years and months of not knowing what was going to happen next. Not it's done, except of course for the 6 months waiting period he'll have to endure before he could re-marry. It's suppose to be a time of 'reflecting' for both parties. I hope he does a lot of reflecting of his life the past several years. For me...I know I was a person before xh, and I'll be my own person again. I feel I'm well on my way anyway. If nothing else, the crisis has made me realize I must depend on myself, no one else..but God Himself.

I don't know what the future will hold. It scares me too much to think too far ahead. So I will continue to believe that He has my life in His hands..and whatever happens, I won't be alone. I did feel very calm throughout the morning at the courthouse. Five years ago, you couldn't have convinced me that I would have even been able to breathe...let alone get through it without some type of hysterics.

I felt confident sitting there. Confident that this is what had to happen. There was no way around it. And as I stole that glance at him, I saw no trace of the man I had known (or thought I had known) I saw someone that I had a trace of bitterness and anger towards...and lots of pity I guess. Not that he needs it. He's done well with his pity parties all by himself. I just feel sorry for what he's already lost, and may never find again.

I'm prepared to spend the rest of my life alone. I don't want to, but if that's how it turns out, I know I will have tasted love, and been blessed with my sons...and I'll find a way to accept that all this hurt and betrayal had a reason behind it too.

I will continue to pray for xh. He may just be starting a journey of his own that he never thought he would be on..or would want to be on.

Our sons are acting very unaffected by the finality of this. Cold almost. Not sure how to take that. Guess I'd have to put myself in their place. there must still be anger there..probably at both of us, for tearing apart what they had thought their family was all about.

Just thought I'd update. Blessings to all of you