The computer hasn't been centrally located here yet (Read; it's hooked up in sons room) so I don't get much of a chance to get on. And actually as of late, I've had a hard time knowing if I had anything worthwhile to share.
The evidentiary hearing is next week. Am I anxious about it? You bet. I'm tied down to a lease and to bills and utilities, and am uncertain what the court may decide to do. I just don't get why they don't work on a final settlement agreement instead of dinking around with this temporary one. I mean I know if H and his L can get it lowered, the chances of the final maintenance amount will be affected to..but I'm hoping the court will see through this, and not grant a greatly reduced amount.
In the meantime, I still have no furniture to speak of..and everything feels so up in the air as far as my 'life'. Will I be able to stay here? Will I be able to afford my health care? etc. etc. I'm so much trying to put these worries in Gods hands. But it's so hard not to try to figure out a 'plan B'. you know what I mean? I try not to let this overpower my emotions, but I'll be honest...I've been pretty down the last weeks.
H has Twinkie out all over the place...I don't know if he doesn't have any scruples, or if he's so far gone in MLC that he doesn't realize he's still married legally. How he can he be so public about what he's doing, and show himself in public like he's proud of it all? Not to mention what it feels like when I have people coming up telling me where all they see the two of them.
If there is a consolation, I have no heard anything complimentary about Twinkie. I've never seen her..yet...but the reports I hear are 'she's nothing to brag aout' "She's inches taller than him". "She nothing...just like there's nothing there". Soooooooo....I'm assuming H picked someone that will never question him , that gives him whatever he wants, that lets him play the victim in all of this...and someone that knows how to 'play' an older man wanting to feel/look young again. Recently they were seen at the local gym. Never in all our years of marriage did he/we belong to a gym. And never in all our years of marriage, did he..after work..have the energy to go to one.
Work has been hectic...the weather has been mostly rainy and dreary. That just adds to the depression I'm afraid.
Son23 is doing well at his new job. And son 28 is starting a new job on the 22nd. Their mothers day card to me was priceless. Perhaps you've seen it in the stores. The front said something like 'with all the things you did for me growing up, I wonder....(open the card) 'what did dad do?' yes, I smirked a little when I read it. Perhaps someday he will be a father to the boys again. Perhaps not. But I know I pray everyday that they will not follow in their fathers footsteps. That this generational curse will not follow them into their families and marriages. I pray that God will protect them and guide them through life so they never makes the deicisoins and choices their dad has made.
My best to all of you. I wish I could visit more often here. The computer is set up so stupid at the moment (no computer desk)...hopefully soon we'll get it located and situated so that its more comfortable to sit and use the keyboard.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
