FWIW, both my L and H's L have indicated to us that "the court" wants this ( our D) off their calendars. Apparently some judges are particular about having cases that last more than a year. If your L is ready to go to court and H's isn't, than I think the court can (and does) bring pressure.
And on that happy note Hoppy Easter!
nlf
You must grow in patience when you meet with great wrongs, and they will then be powerless to vex your mind. ---Leonardo da Vinci
I'm going to be having the phone/internet service discontinued at the house, and switched over to the apartment this week. So, I'll be out of touch for a few days.
Haven't made the complete move over yet, but hope to be spending some of the nights at the apartment starting this week, and then continuing to move things out during the week. I need to get out, and then come back and try to clean up a little before the closing on May 1st.
It's just starting to hit me now..the finality of it all. Those tears may come after all..who knows.
I also have that pretrial court date on Wed. I'm dreading it, absolutely dreading it. I haven't even had time to get my car in to get it appraised..not sure if that was needed to be done before the court thing or not. Might have to have son or mother do it for me while I'm at work. There just aren't enough hours in the day for this crap to get done..not when I can't take time off from work to do it.
I know...He's watching over me. It's the only thing that gets me through day to day. I would so much appreciate your prayers on Wed.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
Happy Easter to you. I hope it was pleasant for you.
The moving will get done in due time, as will all the other stuff. FWIW, I didn't have to have my car appraised either. H's lawyer actually had picked some inflated figure out of the air and I went by the blue book value to make the correction and that is how the paperwork ended up reading.
My prayers to you on Wednesday. Remember to act "as if" and treat this as all business. It does a world of good.
Looks like Hs lawyer wants a 2 day trial. If this happens, it won't be until after the first of next year. "Expert" witnesses, and all. Unbelievable. Any equity that would be from the house will be eaten entirely up because of this. I watched H from across the table, and his face was one of 'uh-oh'. His lawyer has been itching to take this to trial. I would imagine that is why he never returned any of my Ls correspondence in regards to sitting down, and trying to come to a compromise. That wasn't even brought up...just said he sees this as a 2 day trial. I wonder if H is so stupid he doesn't realize he's being taken to the cleaners, and I won't be the only one with nothing left. All this because he doesn't want to pay maintenance. What the H is he thinking! You don't have a 30 year marriage, a major discrepancy in incomes, and not have maintenance awarded to equal things out. He'll still end up having to pay maintenance!
And how does it look that he's the one that filed, but has failed to follow through on this divorce. I have not held it up or put hurdles in the way!! This has been all his doing. And I believe the court commisioner realizes that..he pretty much as said so. I wish there was a way of him knowing that Hs side is the one that hasn't wanted to sit at the table to try to deal with this.
I sat with my L after the meeting, and he explained a few things to me. He also said that he watched my Hs face as the dates just kept getting farther and farther away, and more and more 'witnesses' were going to be called. My L said Hs face really showed reality hitting. All I can do is hope that H comes to his senses before this goes too far and realizes that this is the reality of divorce. You don't just get up and walk away into your new found la-la land.
I've really got to put this in Gods hands now. I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle all the obligations and stress this drawn out thing is going to cause. I can't believe that H has drawn s22 into this now, by saying he shouldn't have to pay as much maintenance as he is now because s22 is and adult and not working. Little does he know that I have not been paying s22s expenses until he finds work...my mother has been. But H decided to use son as a leverage against me. At this point, both boys are seeing a side they probably wanted to believe didn't exist. They're both really upset about this now. Which may be good in a way. It may be good for H to hear from his sons, if they want to, what they feel about all of this, and about how they feel about him. That too, I'm staying out of. I'm not going to defend H to them. What H does to me, he does to them too. I will never be able to leave anything to my sons if H gets his way.
Anyway...that's my update. This rollercoaster is just taking off at the starting gate it seems.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
I do understand how you are feeling.... the frustration just chapped my ss
Here's what I think about a trial....
I didn't have one. I'm still going to court to collect the maintenance I was supposed to get from August 2004. I'm spending big buck now anyway.... upfront, or for two years.. hopefully a trial will have a better out come.
Make sure to get any and ALL support orders come with an income withholding order, or an income garnishment order (depending on what they are called in your state).... I don't care what your STBXH says.... get one anyway.
You are doing a great job, hold out for every penny. Seriously! Cause, one way or another, the Xs will figure out a loop hole or a way of getting out of it from time to time, and you'll need to be able to afford to bring him back again.
Remember, get one of those statements that if stbxh is in contempt or found in contempt, he is responsible for your attorney fees, when you need to take him back to court.
Otherwise Creed, I do know what you are going through. Waiting another 8 months to have it finalized is going to be killer.... but I know you will find a way to live your life in between those days, when you don't have to think or worry about going back to court....
My thoughts are with you...
Take care, get some rest, and do something special to pamper yourself, or get some nice flowers for around the apartment to make it feel more homey.... reward yourself for a job well done.
God Bless
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
(((((((Creed)))))). I'm sorry this is going to drag out and get ugly. Like Laughing said, though...just be patient and keep informed so that you can get what you are entitled to.
I can just see your H's face. What did he think was going to happen? You are right that the positive is that it may buy you time for him to wake up and smell the coffee.
It's been about a week since the hearing. I've moved completely into the apartment, and the house closing is on Monday morning. Boxes and crap all over the place here, but I'll have to be patient I know.
Husband came into where I work the day or two after court with a lame excuse...then started in on what I knew he really wanted. He wanted us to sit down and try to work something out between the two of us to avoid the trial. I told him the lawyers would have to be in on it. His lawyer told him that usually the opposing sides don't have a 'sit down' until further into the settlement process. ???? How much further into divorce proceedings can we go??? H then called a couple of times the other day, and got quite pissy about some little time. He has no fuse whatsoever anymore...not even a short one. At one point I told him I wasn't talking to him if he was going to be like that.
His proposal is that I take all the equity from the house, plus all his 401K, and then no maintenance. What a joke. His 401K is small because he's only had one for the last 5 years. And 1/2 the equity is mine to begin with. When I conveyed this offer to my L, he was betweeen laughing and angry.
Oh, I did tell H that he had to go back to the house and wipe clean the basement freezer. He said that it was clean. I told him I had looked, and although it might be empty, it needs to be washed down too. Ohhhhhhhhh my...you would have thought I had asked him to wash all the windows at the Empire State Building or something. I told him that he had only done the basement and garage...that I had done all the rest of the house..so the freezer was his to do. Later, in another phone convo, he said he had finished freezer..and in a voice like he had just conquered a dragon. He must not even put two and two together....that he did two areas...and I had done all the rest...by myself. His time must be worth more than mine I guess
At one point, he was saying I should accept his proposal becasue his place of business could close or be sold, he might get disabled or unable to work....or die. I asked 'oh, is _________being sold and shut down?" (snicker) Then he went on to say that he hasn't been getting overtime...and how I'm getting more of his paycheck than he is. I soooooooo wanted to say 'what about Twinkies contribution to the budget', but I didn't. I didn't say anything bad...except once. He said he only wanted things to be 'fair'. I said 'I don't think they've been too fair so far'. I know, I know...shouldn't have said it, but it slipped out.
At this point, I guess I don't care if it goes to trial, other than the money that will be wasted. But I think it's the only way that I'll get maintenance. H does NOT want me as a weight around his neck in his new life. Wants to be free and clear, and no connection. I'm sorry he feels that way (although he didn't say these things), but after 30 years, I'm not just going to fade into the past that easily. I don't think he ever thought I would do anything other than what he wanted me to. Not accepting his offer has put him over the edge. I can hear it in his voice. Reality is finally setting in.
Laughing....I don't want what happened to you to happen to me, so I will heed your words. I know my H is going to get more desparate as time goes on, and with Twinkie maybe losing some of the twinkle in her eyes when she sees him as an older man, but an older man with less to offer her. I will push for garnishment of wages.
There is another hearing May 24th..evidentiary for reducing the temp maintenance he's been paying. Im hoping since the court set the amt almost a year ago, that they will let it remian as such for the time being. The house has been sold, I had to find a place to live and couldn't do that on my salary alone..so I don't really see what has changed. Other than H is claiming next to poverty. Funny....drinks aren't cheap, and our sons see him out at the bars every weekend with Twinkie. Must have money left over for that, huh?
Oh...great news...s23 got a fulltime job!! Not in the field he went to school for, but if he gets past the probationary period, he'll have full benefits including health insurance.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
Hoppy Easter!
ss
