I'll Never Be Alone

[Creed]

Question:

Recap. House closing is May 1st. I've been in the house by myself since H left 5/04. H filed 2/05, and got apt. Lived with 'mommy' before that, and now lives with Twinkie.
H has made very little moves, or done very little work in getting this D on track. So much so that the court stepped in and scheduled a pretrial conference for Jan 18. H asked for a postponment till house would hopefully be sold..settlement not possible until then (???). Halfways threatened that he'd have to 'protect' himself if I went ahead with Jan meeting the court set up. I figured I was still covered under his better health insurance, and I had a roof over my head, so postpone it. House sold.

Now..with the house sold, H still hasn't made any effort, other than to call me and ask if I would sit down with him to come up with something more 'fair' to both of us (meaning to him). I told him that the lawyers were suppose to talk and work that out...I would not agree to anything without my attorney present.

Now, through all of this, there has been very little communication between the lawyers, and I believe very little communication between H and his lawyer. More and more, I think this is H and his lawyers way of making ME spend the money by having my L do the work that needs to be done before the closing (all the paperwork that needs to be checked, etc.). Plus getting the necessary information needed from H (financial end of it), etc. Hs lawyer has made no effort to take the lead in any of this.

Things HAVE to be done a certain way, and in a certain time frame when you're talking about the sale of a house..granted. Since I'm the one that's been living in the house, I'm the one that's being put in a less than comfortable position. H has been living in his apartment, all settled in, for the better part of a year. I've been trying to sort through things, toss things, clean out almost 30 years of family..and basically doing it myself, while working fulltime.

I'm not afraid of going to court, although it would probably clean me out of any equity from the house. I've got the feeling that that is what Hs lawyer is trying to do. Drain me of resources by having my L do all this work, by him not doing a damn thing.

Somehow, since this divorce was all Hs idea, shouldn't it be him and his lawyer that is responsible for getting all the necessary paperwork lined up for the closing???? Am I missing something here??

Any ideas how to make sure this doesn't continue after the house closing? I know that my L put in his correspondence that he is going to ask that court to have my H pay some of these legal fees. And I hope the court sees that I had to pay for services that should have been paid by my H to his lawyer to carry out.

I can't for the life of me figure out what H figures he's going to gain by doing this to BOTH of us. Why couldn't he have just done everything that was necessary when he filed, and got this over with last year. Why did he keep piddling around , forcing me to take him to court for garnished wages for maintenance. Why couldn't he be 'stand up' enough to have taken his share of the responsibility in this whole thing. Isn't he getting what he wanted? What more does he want from me??????????

On a side not, I went to HR to have my address change put in my file. All of sudden the HR person started to tell me that she's been in somewhat the same position for the last 6 mo. Her h is 44. Never ceases to amaze me. The script never changes much. I told her that she has to make the decisions for herself (no children involved). I told her how long this has been going on for me (99). She said that no way would she/could she deal with this for that long. But she also said she had so much respect for me handling things the way I have with my situation. Now I understand why the other week she asked how I was doing, and seemed genuinely interested. She's going through it herself.

I quickly said a prayer for her after I left her office, and I had tears in my eyes. My God..why do people have to hurt each other so much..and for what? What do they think they're going to gain????? And do they ever think about what they're going to lose??