Yes, I am protecting myself...and it's a hard thing to learn to do. You always have that bit of yourself that 'wants' to trust the WAS..you want to try to find that little iota of the 'old' spouse there. Unfortunately, when it comes to the financial end of things, it's usually very unwise to do that. I never would have thought that I would have to protect myself from H..but here I am..
Appt with L went good this morning. He said if H asks me to sit down with him again and talk about things, he should call my L and he would 'talk' with him. I told my L that there's no use of me trying to talk with H about this, because he's already given off the air/comment 'more fair'. L kinda of 'humpph-ed' at that comment.
One thing I do have a question about. Because of the length of the marriage and the HUGE discrepancy in incomes, L said permanent maintenace would be allowed. But he also said something about retirement age. Now, I don't know if I misunderstood him or what..but is there some clause in divorce awards that maintenance stops at the retirement of the party paying maintenance???? I've heard from other people that even after the maintenance paying spouse retires, they're still paying....but I believe I heard my attorney say something different than that. Or maybe he said the H might be willing to pay a larger monthly amount if there is a cut off date..like his retirement at 65 or whatever it is. I don't like the sound of that. I've tried looking through my states divorce laws, but haven't been able to come up with anything pertaining to this.
I don't like the idea of being cut off like that when I'm that age too. Good Lord..that's when seniors need it the most!! Considering I'm 50 now, that's only 15 years..and I'll never be able to reach his income producing level in that amount of time..let alone put together some retirement plan of my own. My SS benefits would never come close to his.
We talked about Hs lawyer a little. Mine said he's really got a problem with 'settling' with any other attorney. He's had some clients fire him because he drug divorces out too long, and too much money was being spent because of his silly arguments. My lawyer is going to shoot off some documents to Hs lawyer and see what happens. Hs lawyer has a way of not answering ...which I think the court should 'get' him for..some type of contempt obstruction of justice or something!!
Anyway , I came out of meeting feeling more at ease. I did NOT want to have to deal face to face with H about this. It's already something he should have figured out he'd have to deal with when he filed for divorce. I'm not asking more than for my share...50/50. I don't see how any court could argue with that . Not after a 30 year marriage..with one spouse that did not want a divorce in the first place, and the other spouse that has shown a lack of commitment/honesty/fidelty in the marriage. I don't want to have to shovel dirt..but H is wrong in thinking I'm protecting him anymore. He'll have to face consequences, just like any other person has to.
I can always say that there was goodness in him...there was. But what has become of him makes it impossible for me to defend him like I use to be able to. I'll have to be defending myself against him. Lord, I hate all of this.
I think of all the newcomers here, and how they must sit and read some of us old-timers threads, and they're probably ready to scream and crawl out of their skins. The terrible thoughts and fears that they must think/feel. I remember so well how I just couldn't believe this was happening, that my H could truly be doing this. I just hope they remember that they need to do for themselves, and let their WAS spin on their own. There is no other way of doing it safely. All you can do is pray for them. And maybe someday they will recover enough that some family relationships can start to be healed somewhat.
I'm not through this yet...I've got alot to go through yet. I was just getting use to being on my own after 2 years of separation...and now the real divorce is going to start. I think if H could have had his way, he would have just kept going the way it was. But now reality will be staring at him..and he is truly divorcing his previous life and will be faced with 'living' his new life with his new relationships. I just want to be remembered in a decent way, but I doubt that that will happen anytime soon with the financials going on right now..and Hs somewhat skewered idea of how easily he'd get off financially.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
