Yes, I've found an apartment, and the manager is going to try to get me in by the middle of next month. The closing on the house is May 1st. As far as the financials, no. That's in the works. I did find a signed copy of the property agreement I made up, with the clause that my H remove all rubbish from the house after I have moved out. So that's one big plus, as long as he follows through on it. I will give this agreement paper to my L when I meet with him this next to discuss how to go about with a financial settlement agreement. H wants us to work something out ourselves, I don't care to do that. L is going to give me some ideas on what to ask for, etc. If I feel uncomfortable at all, I've decided to tell my L HE can do the talking (debating) with Hs L. I know how H can manipulate me, even when I'm watching out for it..and I just don't want to deal with that right now. Besides, I think my L would do much better in the negotiating than I would. Besides, isn't that why I hired one in the first place??? This is the one thing that I really wanted protection for...the financials. So, prayerfully, he will earn his money well.
Yes, the Lord has been with me all the way through this. I'll never forget how He opened up my eyes to my own mistakes, faults, etc. I don't think that ever would have happened without Hs crisis(or whatever it is). It made me realize that I was NOT and never was the easiest person to live with or please. But, it also opened my eyes to some truths about H that I hadn't wanted to face. I wanted to stay in denial..I wanted to defend and protect him. And that was a big mistake. We all have to pay consequences for our mistakes, and I found that I was making excuses for his. Just like myself, he must find his way through his journey..by himself. Not with me, not with Twinkie, not with his mother...no one. He has to face God, like I did, to see the bare naked dark side of his life. His friends and family, whom never should have been involved, have enabled him to feel that the course he is on is one he is very entitled to. He hasn't been told or warned about the damage that has been done, and is still being done, by his thoughts, actions, etc. It's like he doesn't have a clue, other than his own desires and needs. It's reverting back to a child in a serious way. No responsibility, no repruscussions, etc.
I know someday, there will be a time that he'll think back on everything, and see things differently than he does now. I do have pity on him for when that time comes. There have been things in this family that have changed that will never be the same. Our sons will never forget what has been said and done. Doesn't mean that won't love him...they will..but they will never look at him again like they use to before all of this. They will always have a kernel of doubt when he gives them his word on something. He may convince them that he's the happiest now that he's ever been..and maybe he is...but as they grow older, they'll become wiser, and realize that a middle aged man barhopping with a woman THEIR age is not 'normal'. But then, when you don't have a family life anymore, I guess barhopping is the thing you do. Me? When I get done work, I just like to chill out and enjoy some quiet. I do miss not having weekends and having someone to share them with..but I trust God to help me in that department too. Whether it's volunteering, joining some club..whatever. I do hope my 'off' hours begin to have some more enjoyment in them than they have the last couple of years. Life is too precious and short to only work.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
