It is definately time to try something different. For me, for my sitch, for everything. I don't feel like I can do what I need to for me and my kids as long as he is waffling all over the place. I get so frustrated when I read back a month ago and see how I good I was feeling, how honest I felt my interactions were with my H. I still believe it was honest, I still feel like, even in that short period of time, the beginning stages of "falling in love again" were happening, he says he does too. So, to have a complete regression, I just can't understand him anymore, and I can't let him bring me down anymore.
I am the only person in his life he can truly talk to. It's me that would stay up all night and listen after his counseling appts. I am the only one who knows all the messed up crap he's pulled over the years, i am the only one that has always stood by him, and tried to smooth it over. Now, I am the one he is disrespecting and treating like crap. While part of me thinks that pulling away, and rebuilding my life on my terms is what I need to do for me, I also think that is the only way he will realize what he is pissing away. I have been competing with the fantasy world of a 35 year old man who acts like he is 18, and wants what an 18 year old wants. I don't want that anymore.
His counselor is encouraging him to go see OW, that he needs to get all of his 18 year old fantasies out of his system. But at what cost?
I really appreciate the links, have perused a bit of the pursuing/distancing thread, but I think that the idea of combining those techniques with going dark will be the best way for me. Regardless, I know he'll be knocking at my door again, I know that should I actually appear to be moving on, he'll freak out.
On another self-destructive note, it is all I can do right now to not contact OW. I know it will do me no good, but I also want her to know that regardless of my H's lies, she is playing a role in the breakdown of my family, we have been living together, sleeping together, having a relationship, and that he has been lying to her. But, obviously she is a needy little b**** and it would do me no good. I know that. Maybe I'll type an email just to get it off my chest.
