Quote: If you don't mind my saying so, I think you should try to find more fun or rewarding things for you to do away from him right now. Don't stop focusing on GAL.
I don't mind at all, you are spot on.
I really tried to shake by pessimism this weekend, but the mood was there and I think both H and I were feeling it, despite our efforts otherwise. Spent some time together, and alone, but I really feel down. I am regressing, and it sucks. I keep playing out scenarios of what happened, what is going on with H, and I KNOW this is pointless and I will never know and I need to focus on myself. I think that regardless of what is going on at this moment, H is scared to commit to anything. Last week his C told him he had completely regressed, so I am trying to just feel that, and believe that is what is up, and let it go. He knows, and tells me, that "we are on a roller coaster, there will be ups and downs." I am trying to get some comfort in the fact that nothing is really different from before, but it is not really working. I feel like H is looking to me to set the tone, and yet my moods feed off his, and we are both down and sad, so that is what is in the air.
The good news is that I believe I've got a job. Interview last week went well, and the employer responded to my follow-up email that she was preparing an offer for me, and wondered what my insurance needs were as wether or not they need to pay for insurance will affect the salary they can offer. So, need to figure that out, and will know for sure next week. It is not my "dream" job, (quite honestly I cna't tell you what that would be), but it should be fun and it is very flexible with scheduling, so that is good, I think that having a flex work schedule may give me the time to figure out what else I like to do, or to freelance for extra $$$.
So, I need to just focus on the day to day, and quit worrying analyzing rehashing and wondering...I still believe in my heart that the last few weeks things were improving, I don't think either of us are good fakers, if we were this weekend would have been fine. Since I know H reacts to what he perceives as my mood, I need to remember that, and really continue to explore ME and find MY OWN WAY...that is always what brings him around anyway, and that is why he fell in love with me in the first place, something I may need to journal about later.
Oh, yoyo, thanks for stopping by, I've been wondering how you were, as our sich's or so similiar...
