Quote: you MUST decide to end the snooping NOW. I am not convinced you have done that.
You are right on this one. I have ALWAYS wanted to know everything, or at least felt like I needed to. I read that email, and it is out of context, it brought up so many wonderings, which are BAD, and pointless, I know. And then, instead of being my usual self on a day when H would obviously be upset, I was in a mood even though I was trying not too. I need to just let it go, and will try try try to do that. There have been a lot of good things lately, and it is like H said anyway, he is here, now, with me, and we are working on this, because that is what he and I both want. Do we know what the outcome will be? No, but you never do, right?
Plus, I don't like freaking out. That is not me, panic mode over what? It is what I want, for him to end it with her, and hopefully her reactions will push it even further off his radar.
I think part of this stems from this mood I've been in the past few days, I've had frustration thinking "why am I the only one pushing for us?" When the reality is that he is too, in his own way. His reactions and change towards her, accusing her of "cheating" on him, began around the same time things shifted for us, so it is plausible that this is his method, I know from experience that he is a blamer. I guess it just hurt that he even seemed to care what she does, it makes me wonder if that hadn't come up between them, would his attitude towards me have changed at all? I am scared that this is not real, that his moods will shift again, and I know this is where detaching and all that comes in. My biggest problem is keeping ME seperate from the situation. (There I go pondering and wondering again, but better here than anywhere, right?)
Thank you again, it did feel better to rant and be psycho.
