Hi Leslie- I've been so happy for the way things are working out for you. You have lots of positives in your sitch.
Give H a break OK. It's hard to break up with someone. Even someone you don't love - because you are rejecting them, and it's not a good feeling to know that you are hurting someone's feelings.
I think our Hs can be so cruel to us because they take us so much for granted and have been so used to being open/honest with us that their misdemeanors become another thing that they are honest about and it ends up stabbing us in the heart.
On the other hand, a casual relationship has none of that openess and honesty so he's not close enough to her to be open with his intentions. "I'm working on my marriage - you don't come close to making my wife's grade." - isn't going to come out of his mouth to her.
I know this because I dated a guy recently for a few months and knew from the beginning that it wasn't going anywhere, but he was really into it and wanted to get married and stuff. It took me ages to work up the courage to break up with him and eventually we had a tiff about something meaningless and I used that as the excuse.
Even after all the skills I've learned here and the personal growth I've achieved, I didn't have the courage to say "I'm sorry, this isn't going anywhere, so I'd like to stop seeing you." Because I didn't have the energy to debate it/ discuss it. It was easier to blame it on something he said or did.
That is exactly what your husband has done in breaking up with ow. He found an excuse (something that was her fault) and used it to make his get away.
It's human nature.
He's ended/ending it with ow - you guys have a chance to rebuild your marriage if you want to take it.
The ball is squarely in your court.
Just do me a favour and stop snooping - you'll wear yourself out.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
