Okay, I really need some advice here...Did talk with H, he actually came to be and said various things had upset him the past week, but he wanted me to know that he hadn't talked to OW in over a week (verified by phone bill), he loved me and KNEW he wanted to be with me, make the plans for travel and fun and life we've been talking about and whatnot...Felt weird on Mother's Day, saw there were a lot of texts between OW and H, and did the ultimate snoop todya, checked his email and found this email from OW sent today
Hey (H),
Figured this might be better than long ass text
messages for getting a few things out. Tell me please
what I'm supposed to do when the person I love tells
me they can't do this, they're not willing to try,
they can't have something like this in their life at
the moment...but then, the feelings are still there
and you still want my support and my love. I
think this "intuition," these horrible thoughts you're
having are repurcussions from your own decisions being
misguided. You don't want to end any of this. You're
scared. You're impatient. You're insecure from not
seeing me. Please, fight hard to find a balance. The
balance isn't there right now, so you feel like [censored].
You feel like I've got so many other things going on.
I have a life, so do you, but you're a big part of
mine. But I need to feel like you're there for me, and
how can I feel that, if you keep, in a sense, bailing
on us? I know you're not really bailing, but there's
something to say for effort and sacrifice to keep this
going. It gets hard. Hell, everything does. But I
don't think you're gonna feel any better if we keep
talking but not getting together.
If you had talked to me more these last couple
weekends, you would know that the whole bachelorette
weekend was filled with me--yes, the only sober
person, believe it or not--taking care of several
hammered women at Susan's house. Having brunch,
getting sunburned, hanging out with (name omittted), then
driving home melancholy from missing my best friend.
If you had come to the wedding, you would have seen
how much scrambling around I did the whole weekend so
that XXX would have a beautiful wedding.
My wish for us would be for us to see each other
as much as possible, for you to feel the love from me
in every word, despite me not being able to be there
every morning...for you to be able to extend yourself
enough for that. I know that things are rough for you.
I know that you have so much on your plate and so much
to sort out. If you didn't mean so so much to
me, I would have taken the high road long ago. You
need to have more of me to feel sure about anything,
and to have more a me requires effort--however hard it
may be--on your part. Without that from you,
committment on my part would be half-assed. Cuz how
could I be sure that in a week, you wouldn't simply
change your mind and find that me in your life is
simply a bad idea? You've done it before.
This obsessiveness about me being with other people
frankly makes me wonder if you hear anything I'm
saying. Is that all you care about? Getting pissed
about other dudes and being able to point a finger at
me, the vixon? I've felt like you've given up on me
twice and dropped the ball, and yet I've remained true
to my feelings for you. That's a lot! And a lot, that
frankly, somebody that did the same to you, you would
say, didn't deserve. This has been a transition. A transition that has involved a lot of
strength on my part. Alone. I've had NO time for
anybody else but myself and those that already mean so
much to me. That includes you. Stop this nonsense and
accept the love I'm willing to give.
Please really thing about what I'm saying...
Love,
OW
So, please give me feedback, I know I deserve 40 lashes for snooping, but I knew things were not exactly as he said. Obviously I can't tell him I found this...We have been living and acting as a married couple. he has told me that he ended it with her, and wants to focus on me and us, right now I want to pack my [censored] and leave for some days...I don't know what to do with this, or if I should do anything at all.
