Monday morning rambles...feel the need to journal the last few days, so I can try and keep perspective and mark progress or ???
Really great weekend with H. He came home from work Friday flirting and fun. Usually when he acts like this, I try and attach meaning to every look exchanged, words expressed...bt it wasn't like that this weekend. Saturday morning I passed him in our room, he stopped and told me that he really wanted to thank me for how I've been, that obviously things aren't perfect and he does have the OW sitch, but that my friendship and support and even love, without pressure, is really helping him. He also said that he realizes right now it seems that everything is about him, and that he hopes that after he sorts his problems, everything will be about me. I was surprised, and all I could really say was "your welcome," and thank you for telling me.
The weekend was full of things I have been missing...little touches as we walk, sexual innuendos going back and forth, even came up and kissed me on the neck as I was prepping dinner. He talked about going to see his family this summer, and how his mom wants the kids for a week ASAP, that we should send them off and have a week to ourselves. Lots of future talk in the "we" context.
I want to think he is turning the tide. The texting OW and phone calls are still there, but not quite as much the past few days. Of course, I have no idea why it has been less, and I really don't even want to concern myself with it.
Last week I was offered a job that seemed awesome, great pay, award-winning agency, seemed great on the surface, but it would have involved an hour commute each way, and I knew that I didn't want that time lost in my day, so I turned the job down. This is a total 180 for me, I usually would have taken the job until something better came along, I think H was really surprised. It's not like me to say NO, I've been more wishy-washy when I make decisions. We've also been talking a lot about our spirtuality, and how that has been missing from our lives and we should pursue that further. I feel like a lot of bonding has taken place in the last week, opening the door for us to grow closer.
I wonder if a lot of what is happening right now is because I have backed off. I am cheery and fun and flirty with him, I listen when we talk, and really try not to interject "me" into our conversations. Don't ask questions, or bring up R (well, except for that one day last week, ok maybe once every week or so ):p
I feel that detachment is coming on it's own. I'm not trying so hard to let go and focus on myself, it's just happening. Of course, this could be because things have been improving over the last couple weeks, but I think that is really only a small part of it. I am curious to see what his week will bring, what comes out of his C session tonite, what kind of fabulous job I will find!
