Alright, I reread my post and I don't like it. I forgot what my goal was in my behavior last week, and I was so PO'd about more lies that I ignored how my behavior was WORKING! So, I need to make some new rules for myself:
-Don't Snoop! But if I do snoop, vent here or call a friend but don't tell H...
-Remember what you're going for! Which is this: Are H and I in love? No. Do I want to try and find that love again with H? Yes.
So last week was actually a great week, looking back when I am not angry! I was actually ddetaching, H and I were finding our space where we can hang out together, joke around and be a *little* flirty without either of us feeling pressure. That is a good thing! So, if I REALLY want to try and find that "in love" feeling again, then I need to keep it up.
He did tell me today that he also really enjoyed the past week, particularly the weekend and all the things we did together, both alone and as a family. BUT he still feels he need to go and see OW, he hasn't seen her since January, and he thinks that if he has face to face contact, then he'll know that either 1) she's not all that, and his feelings are fantasy, too much time has passed, or 2) he can't live without her. He feels that the limbo will not end until he makes this trip (and swears, believably, that he did not see her last wknd).
My dilemma, of course I don't want him to go, how is one meeting going to resolve his feelings for her one way or the other? Yet, I don't want to give him any ultimatums, and I don't want him to always wonder if it could have been something with her (he's worried about that too). I had told him weeks ago if he went to see her, he'd better have other living arrangements made, but I really just want to remove myself from it entirely. I guess I could worry about it when the time comes, it is premature to decide what my reaction would be should he go...
My hope is that if I/we can keep things progressing as they have been, his need to go see her will diminish. Plus, what can I do about it? And worrying is not GAL and focusing on me and the kids and all of that other good stuff, right?
