Taking responsibility for me

[BeingMe]

I agree - Love is a choice! In the beginning, we fall in love, that romantic, idealistic, rose-glassed type of love. Then, after a couple of years, we get to a point, where we need to choose to love in a different way. A more lasting, deep, unconditional way. And, this is where the WAS gets lost, especially in the marriages of many years. They forget why they married you, had a family, and made plans for the future. Call it MLC, or whatever, they become selfish, self-absorbed, needy, have affairs, and are very confused. It is up to us LBS to figure it out, to be strong, and patient, and to keep up the unconditional love. Believe me, it is really, really difficult. Trust becomes a thing of the past, and has to be rebuilt. And, anger has a rightful place when one has been betrayed. As long as one doesn't hold on to it forever. Forgiveness must eventually be given.

Anyway, that's the path I took - so far. And, that's my take on love, for what it's worth. I also feel that we are with the people we are married to, because that was meant to be. You don't just make a vow to someone you aren't deeply in love with. At least, I don't.

I also agree that we can only control ourselves. We can influence others, but ultimately, we cannot control the choices or actions of others. So, we try and do the best we can, by being true to ourselves, being our own best friend, and being a whole person, so that, if we do end up alone, then that is okay. I have found being detached from H's fantasy, selfishness, and lying, ultimately was what kept me sane. And, I think, won him back.