Thank you so much for the kind words and encouragment. You know that the people here have made whatever I achieve possible. Thank you again.
I'm sure there will be a fair amount of clarifying what happened last night for you. There is no way I can remember all that was said, or convey the tone in which it was said.
As for my W ending it with him only yesterday, that's not the impression she gave me. She said it had been over for some time now for HER but he wouldn't accept that it's truly over. She wouldn't put a time frame on it, but I did believe her. AT NO point in this VERY emotional conversation did she even come close to expressing anything like remorse that things with him were not working out, etc. She was talking like a woman who wanted NOTHING to do with this guy, and had felt that way for awhile now.
As for why she kept seeing him, she chalked it up to "people pleasing" again because she didn't want to totally destroy the guy and did think, mainly because she wanted to continue to go to that gym, that they could just be friends. It sounded like that was happening but that he started not accepting that arrangement and wanted more. Of course, since she has still not admitted a PA with him, I DID ask why he would want "more" from a married woman who, as she claims, never said she was leaving her husband. There are surely some important holes to fill in here. She went on to describe the affair as one where he fell hard early and pursued relentlessly.
As to those holes, I started realizing that the picture was pretty clear and I really didn't need to know much more unless she needed to tell me for some reason. She may do that some day. For the time being, at some point near the end of the night I told her "I just want you to know that I decided long ago to forgive you for this." She asked why I did that. "I told her that it was because I understood my role in the demise of the marriage and I was content to work on that, and part of shifting focus to myself was realizing that the affair was only a symptom, not a cause, at least back then. I decided that I had to forgive you so I could work on forgiving myself for what I had done to you."
She didn't say much but gave me a hug.
Again, PLEASE, ask anything you'd like. If something is not clear, I would love to clarify it. Actually the more you ask/comment, the more I will remember and I really do want to journal as much of this as possible, for my sake, and anyone else who may gain insight to their own sitch.
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edited in
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BTW, after all that, YES, I am going to be careful still. The fact that there was one of "those" shirts that still smelled of him around the house as late as last week makes me question the timing of all this but I am not going to read TOO much into it. Just enough to keep my eyes and ears open.
