OkOk, first of all, you all flatter me too much. Of course I don't want you to stop but...
Thank you for your kindness.
Quote: 1) when in doubt, DON'T 2) DON'T
Yea, this is my usual philosophy. As usual, that is advice for you all...lol.
Quote: You are an amazing DBer
Thanks again for that. I don't know, I may not have failed but I don't really feel like a success either. Limbo will do that to you.
Quote: But now that I am on the outside, watching your sitch, I can see things Let your wife be. Let her BE. She will tell you when sitchs ready to talk. If you pursue her to seek reassurance, she will back track.
I have let her be and now she is either living with me, totally unsure of what she wants, with me paralyzed by ignorance not doing ANYTHING to "win her back" or she has pushed the A underground and has found a way to enjoy life with both of us. Sure, I KNOW there are other possibilities but those are two that take into account many variations.
My point is that she is clearly on some kind of fence and I have NO idea that what I am doing is doing anything to get her off it. Hell, maybe she's better off up there right now. There are just SO many unknowns.
But, ok, so let her be or she will backtrack. Backtrack to what? Going out at night? Um, she's about to start that back up again under the guise (or truth maybe) of going out with this GF of hers that she claims not to even like that much (BTW, OT, this woman IS that person in the office that wants desperatly to be your friend).
I HATE being THAT guy that is always paranoid about his W going out, but these days, I have little choice but to be. Now I DO have the choice how to react and how much energy to give to the obeseeive thoughts. Through DBing and my IC sessions, I have learned to stop obeseeive thoughts. Suppose that DBing is in order...
Let her be...we'll see. Probably.
Quote: What if she senses that YOU NEED A NIGHT TO YOURSELF, and she was giving you the gift of an evenig on your own (or at least without her), which you could plan for in advance. What will you do with this precious gift?
Well, I doubt this. First of all, my W knows this would not be somethig I would value since I have PLENTY of nights to myself as it is. Pretty much every night is "to myself" to some extent. When the kids go to bed, we may watch an hour of TV, and then I go upstairs for a few hours while she makes the kid's lunch, etc. I am going to a basketball game tonight so I already have this night to myself. Between day work, photo work and the time I spend upstairs, I have MORE than enough time to myself.
Also, if that is the case, then why all of a sudden does she say she's going out tomorrow night. That's the part that got me. Last night, when it was about April 18th, she wanted to give me all this notice but one day is enough notice in relation to tomorrow night? Huh? BTW, to add to my paranioa, one of her favorite bands happens to be playing locally that night. GOTTA STOP THIS... I HAVE TO!
Quote: Thank her for giving you advance notice. Thank her for her consideration, the free time. Acknowledge her for whatever. And no frickin' questions.
It is not free time for me to babysit, and since we famously don't have a babysitter...
Ok, no questions...I'll try...
Quote: OK, my two cents. You're the greatesOk I always learn from you
I don't feel like it right now...and I wish I could learn from me...
