Here is something I found interesting. I don't really believe in this stuff but I read my horoscope anyway. This is what mine says for today:
Your love boat has been enjoying some steady sailing, so don't rock it. If a minor problem needs to be addressed, make sure you do so with the best of intentions and the calmest of demeanors. Stay on course.
You may encounter a problem at work ( I'll apply this to my R )that's not in your power to solve. This is, naturally, quite annoying. But you have to be realistic: If the matter is out of your hands, the matter is out of your hands. Instead of getting too unduly upset about it, focus on what you can change, or on what is working. You'll feel better, and the powers that be will eventually deal with the problem
You both know I am bracing for a OT smack down...lol...maybe I will get locked out before then.
No, I do know I am being irrational about this and I AM reacting to her "stuff" and none if it is either good in general nor good DB. That is why I am here disclosing my feelings and what I THINK I want to do. I know if it passes this test, then I am possibly on the right track.
In the end, it's my decision to make but your input is GREATLY appreciated and taken into account.
GH
Oh, and P.S. In the interest of honesty, I guess I have to admit to finding one of "those" shirts laying around a few days ago and, well, it seemed to be the source of the foul smell in the room so I decided to "freshen" it a bit with some of my cologne. Yea, I know, childish, passive/aggressive, not direct and, well, stupid but it was one of those rare moments when I just did something that made me feel good without ANY consideration of ANYONE's thoughts, feelings or advice. If it makes me a bad person, oh well, I kind got a chuckle out of it. Anyway, it wasn't enough to REALLY change the smell of the thing, just, well as the comedy routine used to say spoofing the air freshener commercials..."Gee honey, now it smells like sh-t AND roses."
Ok Mama, I just went to some random website to get my "scope"...OMG...BTW, I DON'T BELIEVE IN THIS STUFF AT ALL...or I DIDN'T anyway...
Sunday, Apr 2, 2006 Tangles in romantic relationships are likely now. Your sexual drive is quite strong, and you may be more concerned with satisfying your own desires than in being sensitive to your partner. All interactions with people of the opposite sex are inclined to be tense right now.
--This is about when my issues began forming in my head...
Monday, Apr 3, 2006 This can be a time when you are forced to confront and deal with something which is no longer working - from old, outworn possessions to an unhealthy relationship or a deeply ingrained, self-defeating attitude.
--Well, in my head, yea, I was doing this for sure.
Tuesday, Apr 4, 2006 You are in a festive, partying mood and just want to play and share a good time with your friends. Community social events and fellowship are very rewarding now. Also, at this time it is hard for you to say no to food, drink, or extravagances in any form. You are also very generous and tolerant toward others. Though you feel wonderful now, you're likely to regret your actions later if you don't curtail your impulses to overindulge, overspend, and enjoy too much of a good thing.
--Went to the mall after work and just went shopping. Not very exravagant but..
Wednesday, Apr 5, 2006 You may have to reword a proposal or in some other way adjust your thinking or way of communicating in order to come to an agreement. Nervous irritation and/or mental exhaustion could result.
Um...well...gee...ya think? Pretty spot on...
Thursday, Apr 6, 2006 Restlessness, nervous haste, and rashness can be something of a problem, for you act on impulse and may be out of sync with your environment.
-- Getting better. I didn't act on my impulse...
Friday, Apr 7, 2006 You are motivated to work at resolving any ongoing problems you may be dealing with, but you're apt to be rather irritable and edgy now also. You can't seem to ignore problems or just let them pass. Family relations are rather tense.
---Ok, will have to let the first part go, but irritable, edgy...me...today? Family relations tense? Good stuff.
Saturday, Apr 8, 2006 Conversations, negotiations, meetings, responding to letters and phone calls, and communications of all kinds are important activities now. A significant discussion or exchange of information is likely. This is a good time to get the views of someone you respect.
---Ok, so Saturday it is!!! lol!
Sunday, Apr 9, 2006 You are very congenial and cooperative now and more interested in the similarities than in the differences between yourself and others. This is a very good time to let people know you care about them: send a card, write a note of appreciation or even a love letter! You may also want to buy something beautiful, pleasing, and frivolous which simply makes you feel good.
---So I guess the OM will be gone, we'll have had $ex and all will be well in the world!!!
Monday, Apr 10, 2006 Doors open and new opportunities for personal and professional growth present themselves. Any initiative or action you feel inclined to take at this time is likely to lead to a positive outcome for you. Partnerships or joining with others for mutual benefit is favored. Your energy level is high; this is a good time for athletics, especially team sports.
--OF course, my M is back now, I am doing GREAT!!! lol.
Like I said, I don't believe in this stuff but it is funny how looking back we can make this stuff fit what really happened. I will admit that the story line presented is a little close to home.
Well, I don't consider you as being in limbo. I know I will get disagreement from some of you on this, but I really think that limbo is something felt more when the WAS is still in the home because you are forced to deal with the "do I or don't I" decisions CONSTANTLY and in limbo, where there is no clear idea of what your S wants or doesn't want, then it's especially hard. I think if my W was NOT at home (which I am not saying I want right now) I would be able to GAL more, detach more and not be so affected by the limbo. I may be wrong. So, RB, this may be one of those cases where the WAS being at home is more of a problem than a help.
That said, what do we do now? Dunno. I am leaning towards taking Rob & Mama's advice and DBing STRONG to get past this urge to talk. I am thinking for ME anyway, this may be best. I don't know. I am still deciding.
Hey, same goes for me. I have come to look forward to your wisdom. You have changed your name several times....you can run but you cannot hide. Hopefully we will leave this board around the same time too!!
Ah, but I have not changed my name several times...it was Totallymessedup then grasshopper. Those are the only two names I have gone by. NOW, other people shortened them to by TM & GH respectively.
As for looking forward to my wisdom, well thank you but I profess no such thing...most of the time.
That makes me think back to my last wedding I photographed. The bride was really nervous, and she was acting borderline neurotic about certain things. NOW, all brides for the most part are like that, but this one was worse than usual. So, after she got done getting ready we were walking and talking as we got ready to do some portraits of her. She started describing herself as slightly crazy and obsessive, especially when it came to this day, but in general too. She said she was just a high-strung, anxious person. The conversation wound around to other things and then I asked her what she did for a living...
Mental Health Counselor.
Imagine my surprise to find out that the LEAST together bride I have worked with in some time is the ONE bride I would expect to be able to hold it together. Goes to show that those that can, do, those that can't teach...lol.
I have been quiet for a few days, but I am keeping an eye out on you. So, you're still deciding about this talk? Don't do it!!!
Quote: That said, what do we do now? Dunno. I am leaning towards taking Rob & Mama's advice and DBing STRONG to get past this urge to talk. I am thinking for ME anyway, this may be best. I don't know. I am still deciding.
I know I am a fine one to talk, I have been H free for 4 days, and I am feeling stong as a lioness. But I have two things to say to you:
1) When in doubt, DON'T
2) DON'T
You are an amazing DBer, and you have been hanging in there when I might have failed, for months. But now that I am on the outside, watching your sitch, I can see things Let your wife be. Let her BE. She will tell you when she is ready to talk. If you pursue her to seek reassurance, she will back track. I am sure. I know you said you think you might be able to ask her about the R in a neutral way with no expectations. Well, then why do it at all?
What if she senses that YOU NEED A NIGHT TO YOURSELF, and she was giving you the gift of an evening on your own (or at least without her), which you could plan for in advance. What will you do with this precious gift?
Thank her for giving you advance notice. Thank her for her consideration, the free time. Acknowledge her for whatever. And no frickin' questions.
OK, my two cents. You're the greatest. I always learn from you
Last edited by PositivelyListening; 04/07/0605:02 PM.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
Let your wife be. Let her BE. She will tell you when she is ready to talk. If you pursue her to seek reassurance, she will back track. I am sure. I know you said you think you might be able to ask her about the R in a neutral way with no expectations. Well, then why do it at all?