Quote: My C had told me to wear a rubberband around my wrist - when I get the urge to talk about our R I need to snap the rubberband and say to myself "If I try to fix it, I will make it worse" (Cognitive therapy).
I think all C's have stock in rubberband companies or something. My C said the same thing. Lost mine awhile ago, lol.
I agree if we are initiating talk to try to fix something, then it's wrong. If we initiate it to directly, and honestly express feelings, OR more importantly, LISTEN to our spouses, then not so bad.
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Again, this sounds like more of us controlling the situation. This is not just about us. This is also extremely hard on our spouses as well, but I know I am acting like I am the only one hurting and not considering how my H must be feeling. Like I said in my post, I need to back off as when I do, things are much calmer. My H needs to work out his own problems and issues and I have to let him do that on his own timetable, not mine.
I know it's hard on my W. I want to back off, but I have been "back" for over 4 months now and I am thinking it's time to move forward for a change. I know my W needs to work on her issues but I don't see her doing that with me, OR with herself (best way). I am now suspicious that she is continuing to "work" on things with OM but she has taken it FAR underground from where it used to be.
I guess my other option, IF I am just trying to confirm the OM's continued role in W's life is to once again snoop and look at her phone, something I constantly argue agaist in other people's sitch. Don't think I will be doing that but as wacked as I am right now...
