Quote: That's pretty much how I feel, too. Not knowing WHAT to say...and not knowing HOW to say it without sounding well...without sounding like any number of adjectives that I can think of...controlling, needy, condescending..so many more I can think of. I want to be able to do it in a way that's open, honest, caring, constructive, and will lead SO to be the same. The thought that I'll completely screw up any TALK stops me in my tracks every time.
This is where I screwed up as you know from my post. In my quest to fix things I jump in with both feet without thinking. My C had told me to wear a rubberband around my wrist - when I get the urge to talk about our R I need to snap the rubberband and say to myself "If I try to fix it, I will make it worse" (Cognitive therapy).
Quote: but what is our "motivation" behind having one of thee talks? Just set our own minds at ease?
Again, this sounds like more of us controlling the situation. This is not just about us. This is also extremely hard on our spouses as well, but I know I am acting like I am the only one hurting and not considering how my H must be feeling. Like I said in my post, I need to back off as when I do, things are much calmer. My H needs to work out his own problems and issues and I have to let him do that on his own timetable, not mine.
