Ok, I haven't posted anything like this in awhile but my W just called me and among other things she said that tomorrow night her friend (the one she went to stay with the night of the bombs dropping) said she wants to go out to dinner. This is similar to last night when W said that on April 18th she has plans with this woman and another friend. She said she just wanted to give me plenty of notice. Funny since I have never asked for, nor do I particularly need notice. I suppose it is courteous but strange for my W.
My paranoia is that clearly my W has either ditched the OM OR she has decided that going out at night with him and being obvious about it/him was not working in her favor. If I continue down the road of paranoia, I have to wonder if this friend is actively supporting my W in this. I truly have no idea where she stands on it. If I had to guess, I would say it's possible she does support it on some level since I know she's talked to my W about her and her H having problems and maybe not "making it".
I hate that I feel like I am right back to where I was months ago but contrary to that feeling that OM was gone I had the past week or so, I am starting to feel the opposite now.
I know, don't speculate. Well, I guess that means I need to have a talk so that my W can tell me where we stand according to her. I don't think it's doing me, my R, or her any good with me wondering all the time. My motivation is now clear. Truth or no truth, OM or no OM, I want to ask her what is up. I think since my overactive imagination is making all this stuff up anyway, I can handle whatever she tells me and I will be able to then make better decisions.
We'll see how it goes. I'm still not sure what I want to do, but I think I will come up with a positive, non-confrontational way to directly ask her where things stand. How about "Honey, it's been a few months now and I think things are going better between us. I would like to know where things stand, and how you feel about us."
Of course, I would like to talk about the ring, her "working towards us" comment and the OM but I will wait and see where things go.
One thing I know is that I am NOT looking for her to validate me so much as I feel that all this mind reading, positive OR negative is not good. IF (and that's a BIG if) she will be honest with me, I think I can accept what she has to say, good or bad.
This sucks. I am a wreck for the first time in awhile. Damn roller coaster!
GH
P.S. When she was on the phone with me just now she was outside. She said she had to pee, and then, sounding like she was talking away from the phone said "wait, I left my cup on the car." It sounded like she was talking to someone else...someone she meets at the gym maybe...I hate this. I can't believe I am back here again... Slap if you must!
