GH, I'm glad my thoughts can be of help. Along the sexual side of things, I've been thinking you and your W might benefit from taking the quiz in the Five Languages of Love
At the top of my H's list is physical touch while I value quality time. Not understanding this about each other probably led to problems between us. He didn't understand I wasn't trying to keep him from his friends, I just wanted to spend time with him. And I didn't understand he didn't just want sex, he wanted to be close to me.
I know you and your W have had some sexual issues which is why I'm getting into all of this. Perhaps this is too much info, but, for a long time I felt like my only value to my H was for sex. Most of the people in his life are very well educated, PhDs and such. I've had a little chip on my shoulder about not feeling as smart and him valuing physical touch made this worse for me. Recently as my H and I have been able to really talk about things, he told me that what I thought was really the opposite of the truth. He said. "I wanted to have sex with you because I loved you so much."
I can't tell you how much of an impact that had on me, combined with taking the love languages test. I'm not saying that your W feels as I did, but it can't hurt to take the test and explain the reasons behind your wanting sex with her. (Besides the obvious )
Oh, and have you read "Make Up Don't Break Up." It has some good strategies for fighting fair, validating and getting your opinion/feelings across. It's good you are learning to pick your battles (it's something I'm learning too) but it's not good to bottle in your frustrations. That is how some of us got here to begin with.
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