I guess my two cents worth: There must be a time when she is willing to discuss these things and also recognize her role in re-building a healthy, loving relationship. However, that time may not be right now. I think Michelle talks about this in DR...you can bring the subject up, tell her directly about your wants, needs, fears etc., and if she is willing to talk about it, then great. If not, you need to bide your time and bring it up again when the time seems right. I guess my point is, there is no harm in talking to her about it. Be direct. Be honest, but do not go into with an expecatation that she is going to open up right on the spot.
That's not to say that you should keep "sweeping it under the carpet," in time you will have to determine whether her inability or unwillingness to actively talk about the sitch is something that you can live with.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
