Yes, yes, yes. I fear this as well. I AM starting to see what was wrong in our M, and NOT just from her perspective, which I was able to grasp early on, but from MY perspective.
Wow, this is very deep and very important to acknowledge — your fear that is.
I remember when I had the fear that if I was honest with myself about my R with XH that I wouldn't want the M anymore. It wasn't even just fear about losing the M, but what it would mean about me and 15+ years of my life. I was afraid of facing the truth because I didn't know if I could live with it or its consequences. What actually happened is partially what I was afraid of — I no longer wanted my old M when I was honest with myself. But, I can live with it and its consequences. Indeed, it gives me strength and courage and definitely compassion. And, my life now is better than I had ever dreamed. So, I'm very glad my fear gave way to honesty.
Besides, the truth will out, no matter what. And, avoiding working through fear never seems to turn out well. So, it is great that you can see the fear so that you can now plough through it.
